Page 46 of Cry For You

Lacey takes a deep breath, and her body sags against me. I lean into her, supporting her the best I can in the middle of a room full of kids hopped up on sugar, their minds far away from the ugliness of this world and the ugliness of how one of them was created.

I round the boys up and put them in the back of my truck. I can see how upset Lacey is and refuse to let her drive herself home. I offer to take her home and come back for her car, but she says she’ll get a drop from Shay to get it.

Halfway there, the boys fall asleep. We don’t talk. I let her sort through what she needs to. I stop in front of her house. My hand is on the door to help her with Jacob when she stops me, putting her hand over mine. “Wait.”

I sit back and wait for her to let me into her mind, to tell me what she needs from me, even if it’s something simple like just listening. For her, I’d do anything to wipe those memories away.

Her head is down, one hand in her lap playing with her dress, the other not letting go of my wrist. I wait.

“This is why I don’t go to these things. I’m afraid of that happening. The way she looked at him…She doesn’t know him. He’s special, loving.” She gives a little cough, shaking her head like she’s trying not to fall into a daze. “He’s so gentle and kind. He’s not...he isn’t like...” She turns to me, shaking her head, eyes shining brightly. I don’t want to see those brimming tears fall.

I say what she needs so she doesn’t have to. “I know. He’s not him.” I squeeze her hand. “I know.”

“Good. I wish everyone did. One day he’s going to go looking for answers about his father, and some kid or adult is going to tell him. It’s not like it’s a secret.”

Fuck this hand holding. I put my arm around her, pulling her closer to me, rubbing her arm.

“I don’t know how I’m going to tell him when the day comes. It’s rare now, but every so often those old feelings come back to haunt me. It doesn’t end, you know?”

No, I don’t know. That was part of the problem. I would never know. Only she alone would. I was too angry and in my own pain to do anything more. I want to understand and bear her pain with her, without disturbing her life as she’s come to terms with it. I ask softly against her hair. “What doesn’t end?”

“Being victimized by him. Sometimes I pretend it never happened. Then I look at a reminder, that’s turned into my beautiful redemption. You don’t know how I wish I could change things, but if I did, I wouldn’t have him. He saved me when I was all alone, and I thought no one could ever love me again.”

Her words are crushing, especially when I know I’m the cause of some of her pain. I want to tell her she was always loved. As long as there was a me in existence, she would and will be loved. Instead, I say, “Did you date?” It’s been floating around in my brain since Shay told me what she asked her when I left. ‘Who’s going to love me if he doesn’t?’

She looks up at me, her head on my chest, our eyes meeting. “What?”

“After us, did you?”

She looks behind me at the boys. “Why?”

I brush a lock of her hair to the side of her face, leaning in closer to her, my eyes going over every feature of her face, one I’ve committed to memory. My memories didn’t do her justice. They couldn’t. She was my happiness. “I wanted you to be happy. I wanted someone for you who would make you happy.”

“Oh, Landon. I dated other guys. Three. But it didn’t work out.”

I wanted to know. Doesn’t mean I want to hear my girl has been with other guys. “Why?”

“I wasn’t comparing what we had to them.” She shrugs a shoulder. “But when a thing is, it just is, simple as that. When it’s not, it’s not. Something’s missing, and you can’t make it more than what it is, if you can understand that. The crazy workings of my brain, again.”

“Perfectly.” I understand more than she knows. It’s been the story of my marriage with Bree.

Crossing the short distance between us, my forehead touches hers. I close my eyes, taking in this moment. The tip of her nose touches mine. The need to be as close to her as possible is overwhelming— the warmth of her breath against my lips, and her scent? Sweet, pure, her.

“Uh, noo.”

We jerk apart at Jackson’s voice. We look behind us to see what’s wrong. Mumbling something else in his sleep, he turns his head. Their timing is always spot on.

“I should go inside, let you take Jackson home.” She pulls back further.

“Let me help you bring Jacob to the door.”

“No, I got him. Stay with Jackson.”

“Are you sure? He’s not light.”

She pulls out her key swinging then around her index finger. “I’m a mom. I got this.” She smiles.

I hold my hand up, reflecting her smile. “All right, mom, you got this. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m okay.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Then believe me when I say it.” Without another word, she leans over and lightly presses her lips to mine, making my lips tingle, warmth spreading through me, lighting me up from the inside even when our lips part and she says, “Goodnight, Landon.”

In a stupor, I let her leave, watching her cradle her son in her arms, opening her door, closing it behind her. A face-splitting smile is on my face. Best fucking end to a night that I’ve had in a long time. “Goodnight, Lacey.”

---