Page 30 of Cry For You

“The pizza. Wow. The only word for it.”

“As full as I am, I would love a slice.” I pat my stomach.

“Me too, but they closed down two years ago.”

“Remember the time you guys did the pizza challenge?”

“Oh! And Trigg totally blew chunks.” He laughs.

“It was horrible,” I say, still grossed out but laughing with him.

“Not for me. I won twenty bucks.”

I shake my head to stop laughing, but I can’t. Trigg stepped in his own vomit and slid across the floor. Tears prick the sides of my eyes, and he says, “Yeah, I’m remembering the whole thing too.”

We can’t stop laughing. The kids run back in the room with us, and Jacob asks, “Are you okay, mom?”

I dab the corner of my eyes, composing myself, and look at him with just a smile. “Baby, I’m fine. Just having a good time.” I look over at Landon.

“Your mom reminded me of something funny that happened when we were in college together.”

He looks at me, then at Landon. “You used to know my mom?”

Oh, he doesn’t know this. From the look on Landon’s face, I know he just remembered we were supposed to be strangers until they ended up as friends. Shit, I’ve talked about Landon before, but they don’t know it. When I talk about college and meeting his father, somehow I give him a similar description to Landon, tattoo and all.

I didn’t think it would matter, since we were never ever going to see each other again. These are the pitfalls of lying to your kid about the sperm they really came from. Jacob won’t put it together as long as Landon’s shirt doesn’t come off. It won’t— there is no reason why it should. My lie is safe for now.

“Jacob!” Jackson yells. “I’m losing. I need you to help me block the car in front of me.”

He turns back to me. I put my hand on his back. “Better help Jackson before he runs off the race track.”

“Okay. But, Mom you’re not funny a lot. You don’t laugh.” He puts his hands on my shoulder, as if he’s stating an absolute fact of law. “You’re Mom.”

This conversation feels a bit strange, because I know Landon is here watching us intently, like I’m under a microscope. “I laugh all the time.”

“Jacob, help!”

Not sure if he’s talking to me or Jackson, but he says, “Okay,” then kisses me and runs off.

I don’t look at Landon. I’m sorta embarrassed by what he heard, and worried about what I told Jacob about his “father.”

“This was fun.” I stand up. “I better clean this up and put away the leftovers. We’ll have them for a few days unless Shay comes over tonight.” I move around the table to take his plate. He stops me with his hand over mine, my breath hitches. I feel the tug of war in me when our eyes meet.

“Lacey.”

“Yes?” I hear the boys yell, and I look over to Jacob’s room.

“They’re fine.” He stands to lead me to the couch in the living room, where he sits next to me. “We’re friends, and this is what I do with my friends. We talk. Honestly. If I can show up here at your mother’s house, even though you live downstairs from her in your own apartment, fearing she’ll come down when she’s not here and give me the look of a thousand mothers who would spit-roast me alive, then we can do this, be friends like you said.”

He brings a smile to my face, and I exhale. He lets go of my hand but our fingers still touch. I don’t mind; I like it. His touch. Only his touch.

“How are you, honestly?”

The question bounces around in my mind before I open my mouth to give my standard answer to my mother and Shay, : I’m fine and I’m stronger. Look how far I’ve come, but I don’t. Not to him. Even after everything, I believe he deserves the honesty he asked for. “Physically I’m fine. Mentally...sometimes I feel like I’ll always be getting there. Today, back in there, with you, I’m in a good place.”

“I’m glad today is a good day. Happier I’m a part of it.” He rubs the tips of his finger against mine.

I like it a lot. It’s an intimate act without being intentionally so— enjoying each other’s company, old but hopefully wiser friends. “Time for some honesty of your own.” I fold my legs under me, turning my body fully to him.

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