Page 49 of Seaside Cowboy's Marriage of Convenience

She scuffled a few steps back. “The morning we were about to go to the beach, Auntie made me and Zoey chocolate milk. I spilled mine on my dress. I... well, after my cousin disappeared, I’ve been unable to drink chocolate milk ever since.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to create a painful reminder.” He left for the kitchen with his glass and returned without it.

By then, she was snuggled on the sofa, peering at the dance of fire tongues in the fireplace, the hypnotic image somewhat calming.

“May I join you?” His voice was tentative.

The lump in her throat grew bigger, preventing her from speaking, so she just patted the space. He sat, keeping some distance between them. Yes, this was her marriage. They were so close, yet a distance stretched between them. And she only had herself to blame.

For a few moments, the silence lingered, broken only by the crackling wood in the fireplace and a loud yawn from the beagle stretched on the faux bearskin rug with the puppy.

“May I ask why you said it was your fault Zoey disappeared?” he finally interrupted the silence.

She hadn’t talked about it in decades, and maybe it was time she did. “I ran into the water, just to get my ankles wet, despite the nanny telling me not to. The water was still very cold, and she was afraid I’d get sick. A jellyfish stung me, and I screamed and started crying. While the nanny attended to me, Zoey vanished.”

He hugged her. “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault at all. You were just a child. A child who suffered. How could you predict a jellyfish sting?”

“I shouldn’t have disobeyed. I should’ve stayed with Zoey. Then she’d still be here.” Tears burned behind the backs of her eyes. She blinked furiously as she stared at the fire. She’d learned to keep her tears at bay, but it was getting more and more difficult.

He drew her closer, increasing her pulse and providing much-needed support. “Not true at all. She might’ve gotten kidnapped at a different time. Or both of you could’ve gotten taken. Bottom line, you’renotto blame.”

She allowed herself to stay in his embrace for a few more precious seconds, then eased away.

The dogs ran to her and started licking her hands as if sensing her emotional distress. Then Smiley climbed onto her lap and settled there while Caramel curled up in Austin’s.

She blinked her tears away as she stroked the beagle’s smooth fur while leaning into Austin. Breathing became easier, but it wasn’t right to feel better when Zoey wasn’t here any longer. “My uncle said the same thing. But I thought it was because he wanted me to feel better.”

“I want you to feel better. But I’m also telling you this because it’s true.”

Could she allow herself to accept it? Then she told him something she hadn’t told anyone. Not even her uncle. “It’s not only that. I... Before that tragic day at the beach, I prayed for Zoey’s parents to become my parents. I prayed for it every night for months. But I didn’t mean for it to be like that. Not like that.” She tucked her face into his chest.

Smiley jumped onto the carpet, and so did the puppy.

“Oh, darling. And you carried that burden with you all your life?” He wrapped his arms around her again in a circle of affection. “You grew up with parents who were emotionally neglectful or worse. Of course, you longed for love and affection from the only true parental figures you knew. And you deserved that unconditional affection. All children do. You praying for it had nothing to do with Zoey’s disappearance. Please stop torturing yourself.”

She took in the words but didn’t process them yet. “I still see her in my dreams sometimes. She is running away. I run after her, begging her to stop, but she doesn’t.”

“Is it why you have insomnia?”

“Probably.”

“Is it possible she could’ve drowned?”

“The police considered that version. But I don’t think she would’ve tried swimming that day. My feet had gotten so cold. Taking a full-body plunge would’ve been freezing. And we were wearing dresses. Besides, her body was never found.”

That gave her a tiny ray of hope all this time that Zoey could be alive and well somewhere. Or maybe it wasn’t hope. Maybe it was wishful thinking.

Just like it was wishful thinking to hope Austin might love her someday. She lifted her gaze and met his eyes. They were caring, but there was heat in them. Looking at it caused heat to swirl in the pit of her stomach.

Maybe because her emotions were raw from spilling her guts to him, but she didn’t move away the moment he moved closer the way she’d normally do. Not just with him, with other people. In fact, she’d allowed him much closer than she’d allowed anyone else.

Instead of the impulse to run, the desire to kiss him heightened, and it was rather high to start with. Her heartbeat skyrocketed as his eyes searched her face.

Please don’t move away. Please move away.

She felt like she might stop breathing if he did.

“I want to kiss you so badly,” he whispered, his breathing caressing her cheek.

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