Page 50 of Pregnant by the Texan
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Aaron lay in bed in the dark, tossing and turning, his thoughts stormy. He missed Stella. He wanted to make love to her, wanted just to be with her. It was obvious something was bothering her. Why wouldn’t she just tell him and let them work it out?
Had it been the gifts? Did she want an engagement ring, instead?
He had proposed that first night he learned she was pregnant, but she had turned him down and she would until he declared he loved her and made a commitment to her with his whole heart. Without talking about it, he knew she was bothered and scared she was falling in love and he wouldn’t love her in return.
He liked her and maybe there was love up to a point, but he wasn’t into making a total commitment to her. He couldn’t tell her he loved her with his whole heart and that was what she wanted to hear. They hadn’t talked about it, but he felt he was right.
He enjoyed being with her more than any other woman since Paula. It surprised him to realize he wasn’t thinking as often of Paula. He would always love her and Blake and always miss them. He knew every time February 5 came around that it would have been Blake’s birthday. It always hurt and it always would.
All the more reason he wanted Stella in his life—because this baby was his and he wasn’t losing his second child. All he had to do was tell Stella he loved her with his whole heart. But he couldn’t; he had to be truthful about it. He was trying to back off and give her room, let her think things through. Why wouldn’t she settle for what they had, which was very good. They might fall in love in time and he might be able to handle his loss better. But that wasn’t good enough for Stella, because she wouldn’t take a chance on falling in love later.
Stella had some strong beliefs and held to them firmly.
Tossing back the covers, he got out of bed. This was his first night away from her for a little while, and he was miserable. What would he feel like in January when they parted for maybe months at a time?
Aaron felt caged in the small suite at the Cozy Inn. At home he would just go to his gym and work out hard enough that he had to concentrate on what he was doing until he was so exhausted he would welcome bed and sleep. Even without her. He couldn’t do that here. Knowledge that she was sleeping nearby disturbed him. He could go to her easily, but she would just say no.
Stella was intelligent. He figured at some point she would see they were compatible, the sex was fantastic and she surely would see that, hands down, it would be best for her baby to have a daddy—a daddy who would love him or her and be able to provide well for all of them.
Then he thought about Stella’s makeover. He had heard enough talk—guys in Royal had asked her out since she had been back in town after their first trip to Dallas. Trey Kramer had even asked Aaron if they were dating because he wanted to ask her out if she wasn’t committed. That didn’t thrill him. He had told Trey that he was dating Stella, but when he returned to work in Dallas in January, Aaron expected her to be asked out often by several men.
The thought annoyed him. He didn’t want to think about her with other men and he didn’t want the mother of his child marrying another man. He realized on the latter point, he was being selfish. If he couldn’t make a real commitment to her, he needed to let her go.
He suspected she was going to walk out of his life if he didn’t do something. The notion hurt and depressed him.
He paced the suite, hoping he didn’t disturb people on the floor below. He tried to do some paperwork, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Stella.
It was after four in the morning when he fell asleep. He woke at six when he heard his phone ring, indicating he’d received a text. Instantly awake, Aaron picked up his phone to read the message, which was from Stella.
I have very little to move. Mostly clothes. I’ve loaded my car and checked out. I won’t need any help, but thanks anyway. I’ll keep in touch and see you Tuesday evening when we go to the TCC Christmas festival.
She didn’t want to see him until Tuesday evening for the party. He had a feeling that she was breaking up with him. The day after the festival would be Christmas Eve when she would fly out of Royal to go to her sister’s in Austin. Aaron stared at her message. In effect, she was saying goodbye.
At least as much as she could say goodbye when she was pregnant with his baby. One thing was clear: she had moved on from spending nights with him. No more passion and lovemaking, maybe not even kisses.
He was hurt, but he could understand why she was acting this way. He should accept what she wanted. He needed to go on with his life and adjust to Stella not being a part of it.
He did some additional paperwork, then after a while picked up his phone again to make calls. Soon he had moved his Dallas appointment until later in the day so he didn’t have to leave Royal as early. He showered, shaved and dressed, ordering room service for a quick breakfast while he made more calls.
He may have to tell Stella goodbye this week, but before that happened, there was one last thing he could do for her. Hurting, he picked up the phone to make another call.
As soon as the hospital allowed visitors that morning, Aaron went to see Mayor Vance.
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After he finished his business in Dallas later that afternoon, Aaron went home to gather some things to take back to Royal with him. He paused to call Stella. He had tried several times during the day, but she had never answered and she didn’t now.
He suspected she didn’t want to talk to him, because she kept her phone available constantly in case someone in Royal needed help.
Certain he wouldn’t even see her, he decided to stay at home in Dallas Friday night and go back Saturday. He wouldn’t have even gone then except he had appointments in Royal all day Saturday to talk to people about the upcoming appointment of an acting mayor.
He already missed Stella and felt as if he had been away from her for a long time when it really wasn’t even twenty-four hours yet.
He wondered whether she was thinking seriously about taking the Houston job offer. It would be a good job, but Aaron knew so many people in Royal wanted her to take the acting mayor position—including the mayor, who had now talked to the town council about it.
That night Aaron couldn’t get her on her phone. When she didn’t answer at one in the morning, he gave up, but he wondered where she was and who she was with. He missed her. She had filled an empty place in his life. He sat thinking about her—beautiful, intelligent, fun to be with, sexy—she was all that he wanted in a woman. Had he fallen in love with her without realizing it?
