Page 39 of Secret Twins for the Alien Dad

“Yes, but the babies are. Eat, eat.”

Usually, she manages to get me to scarf something down before setting off to work. My walk is always the same. My mind simply races with every danger that could be coming Zair’s way. How he might get hurt, or worse, killed.

Then work distracts me long enough until it's time to go home and worry some more. That is all my life is now. Just panic and anxiety on a loop.

“Enough! Enough! Enough of all this,” Eva says one day after I come home from work only to immediately start pacing. “All of this anxiety can’t be good for the babies!”

I rub my stomach, where a sharp pain strikes and nearly doubles me over. Maybe she's right, but I can't help it. “Well, I’m not sure what you want me to do differently, Eva. Zair is out there… somewhere. He could be hurt or dead or –”

“Then stop thinking about it! Stop thinking about all the bad ways this could end. Instead… come here.” Eva sits down on the couch and pats the seat next to her. I join her. “Think about all the good ways this could end. Think of the happy ending you deserve.”

Maybe that is a good idea. I don’t know why I’m so quick to assume Zair will fail. He’s already done so much for me in this life. I owe it to him to believe he’ll succeed.

Eva takes my hand as I close my eyes. I imagine Zair in the delivery room with me. We’re holding our child together. Next I see flashes of Zair and I playing with our toddler, and Eva is nearby watching with a smile. Next, Zair is teaching our teenager how to drive a hovercar.

My heart rate slows down. All my fears and anxieties fade into the background. This is a future I can hope for.

“Thank you, Eva.”

“Of course. I’ll go start dinner.” Eva gets up and leaves me alone on the couch.

But sadly, it doesn’t take long for those terrible thoughts to return to my mind. It's like a leaking pipe filling my head. I can’t help it.

I just can’t help but feel silly imagining a future like that for myself. How could I possibly think I have that coming for me? It’s sweet of Eva to think I do, but I’m not convinced.

I don’t want to let myself get too caught up in it all. If I set my hopes too high, then it’ll just hurt even more when everything comes crashing down around me. As if in agreement, my stomach cramps suddenly, sharp enough to make me gasp.

Girls like me don’t get a happy ending like that. It’s just not a possibility. To try to convince myself otherwise would just be foolish.

If you’ve lived the life I have, the dream of growing old with a happy family disappeared around the same time I realized I couldn’t even guarantee I’d have a roof over my head from one night to the next. Though my situation now has at least improved somewhat, that kind of instability and fear changes a person.

And I’ve made peace with that. I don’t need a blessed life. As long as I'm still drawing in oxygen, I’m fine. Great, even.

I’ve been through far too much to expect some ending you might find in a children’s story. With everyone living together happy and healthy. I’ll be spending everyday waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the rug to be pulled out from under me.

Girls like me are just lucky to not end up dead. I’ve been very lucky to last this long. Most in my position would be long dead.

I should’ve died when my parents did. I nearly starved to death on Armstrong plenty of times. I should’ve ended up as a cold corpse in some ditch when Brev first suspected me of theft. Yet, here I am. But should I really expect my luck to hold out long enough to grow old with Zair?

My spiral of negativity is interrupted when another sharp pain extends across my body. It feels like the muscles in my abdomen are tensing painfully every few minutes, almost like a…

"Fuck."

I still have a few weeks to go before the due date. This can’t be right… This can’t be happening right now!

“Eva!” I scream at the top of my lungs. “Eva, get in here!”

“What? Myra, are you okay?” Eva rushes in and pauses momentarily at the sight of me, doubling over yet again. “It’s happening?”

“Yeah, I think it’s happening!”

Eva then springs into action. She rushes out of the room and comes back with a bag packed with everything we’ll need at the medical clinic. It's been ready basically since we found out I was pregnant. Eva never wanted to be caught unprepared.

“Alright, this is what we practiced for.” She helps me to my feet and starts walking me to the door.

I start laughing. It's an uncontrollable laughter, coming from deep inside of me.

“What is it?”

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