Page 32 of Welcome to the Friendzone

Her sobs were heartbreaking for Oliver and all he wanted to do was bring her some comfort, but he couldn’t. Instead he carefully guided her towards the couch again, sitting down and placing her on his lap, straddling him. He still held her close, comforting her as best as he could while she finally let go of all the emotions she’d been holding back for a very long time.

Probably since Frank died.

“I know, Sugar, but it wasn’t your fault. The mafioso followed you, broke into your house, and hurt him. There’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent this.”

“But what if…”

“No. No what if’s. You did your job, that’s all. It isnotyour fault.”

He placed a shy kiss on her forehead, making her furrow her brow at the unexpected intimacy.

“I just… I just can’t lose you, too. I wouldn’t be able to survive it again.”

“You don’t have to. I won’t get killed.”

“But you’re a CIA Agent, going on operations all the time. All the time, Oliver. I can’t sit back home in my office feeling my stomach turn because I’m terrified something could happen to you. That would be agonizing. Also, I’m your boss, I command you on those missions. You think I could make the right decisions if we were romantically involved?”

“Romantically involved. Wow. That phrase is a big meh,” Oliver groaned.

“Oliver,” Marta sighed.

“Sorry, Sugar. You’re the best Deputy Director of Operations that I’ve ever met and even though Gary from HR doesn’t share that opinion with me, I am 100% convinced that you’d always make the right decision.”

“But what if I had to choose between you and Butch? Who do we bring back home in case both of you are critically hurt and we only have one medical team? How could I make that decision without letting our relationship or my fear of losing you influence it?”

There were so many absurd scenarios in her head. She’d thought this through so many times. Each time she tried to convince herself to give him a chance. That she was ready. That it was going to be okay. Frank had been her ultimate excuse to say no to him in the end. Every damn time.

“You and I both know that that’s a very unrealistic scenario and even if you find yourself in that situation, you won’t have to make the decision alone. Director Burns will always help you. You won’t let our relationship destroy your job. You just won’t, Marta.”

She wanted to believe him so badly but something inside of her was still holding her back.

“I can’t have kids,” she blurted out.

Another reason she had declined his dates. Oliver wanted kids and he was so good with them. Frequently over the years they’d visited schools around Washington, explaining to kids and teenagers what CIA Agents do and how they would be able to join. Oliver always wanted to go to the primary schools, his face lighting up as soon as he saw the kids running around on the playground. He’d be a great dad someday.

Marta leaned back, scanning his face for any kind of reaction to her words. She saw sadness in the depths of his eyes and he was unable to hide it.

“Oh,” he whispered, his façade now falling completely.

“One of my ovaries was hit by the bullet, so they had to cut it out.”

“And the other one?”

“Is still in me.”

“So technically you can have kids?” His eyes widened, hope filling his voice.

“Technically yes, but it is very unlikely. The doctors said it would take a lot of patience and I shouldn’t risk it too many times.”

“That’s enough for me,” he said and placed another kiss on her forehead.

“Oliver…”

“No, Marta. I understand your concerns and your fears. I really do. I know it’s not exactly the same but I still feel like that with Butch. When we went on the first operation together after he started at the CIA, I watched him more than I should, losing focus on the target and letting the terrorist flee. It became better over time, but I still have a bad gut feeling when we’re heading towards Iraq,” he sighed loudly, the memories of what had happened to his best friend Nate flashing through his mind.

“Then you understand why I can’t date you. I’m not ready for this.”

Oliver couldn’t hide his disappointment and sadness, but he grabbed her face with both of his hands.

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