Page 80 of Brittle Heart

He starts humming “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” while petting my head. As my tears continue to flow, my breathing evens out, and eventually, I cry myself to sleep next to him, finding a brief moment of comfort.

* * *

When I wake, Howie is still there, sitting next to me, lost in thought, until he notices I’m awake and turns his head toward me.

“Feeling better?” he asks.

Surprisingly, I do feel a bit better. The pain in my arm still lingers as does the weight on my chest, but the overwhelming despair has subsided.

“Seems like it,” I say, sitting up. “I’m sorry, I panicked. I wasn’t thinking straight. I just…”

“Shh…” Howie soothes. “You had every right to be afraid. We won’t dismiss what he did to you.”

“You’re right. I needed a break and some sleep. I’ve been going on just a few hours every night for too long.” I nod.

“Lina, that’s not…” Howie starts.

“No, it’s okay,” I insist, not wanting to burden him further. “I can handle it. It’s nothing new. It’s my fault for not being more careful, for not wearing more clothes, for not avoiding him.”

“It’s not your fucking fault!” Howie’s voice rises, his gaze intense.

“I know,” I whisper, tears welling up again. “But what else can I do? There’s no other way but to endure it.”

He looks at me, frustrated. “Lina, you don’t have to go through this alone. We can figure something out, find a way to protect you. You could tell those asshats you’re working with, for starters. Aren’t they there to handle shit like this?”

“You know why I can’t do that,” I reply softly.

“Chiara,” he says, letting his head fall back to the headboard.

“Chiara.” I nod.

“You said some of them were okay. Can’t you ask them for advice? Maybe there’s a way out, and we just don’t know it?” he asks.

“No, the risk is too high that they might take matters into their own hands and do something stupid,” I say, thinking about how Josh would likely react if he knew about Roberto’s abuse and how he might try to do something to protect me without thinking about Chiara.

“Why did you get all blushy?” Howie asks, studying my face. “Don’t tell me you have a thing for a cop?” I bite my lip. Howie looks at me for a moment before laughing softly. “Stupid, stupid kid.”

“I know, but he’s just… I don’t know. He sees me, Howie. It’s the first time someone has seen me behind all the walls I put up. The first time someone has bothered to look closer,” I say.

“That’s not true. A lot of people see how special you are. You’re the one not looking closely enough to see how many people you touch with your kindness,” Howie states.

“I’m a bitch to people most of the time.” I huff.

“Not when it counts,” he insists.

I hesitate before telling him, “He asked me on a date, and I said yes. It’s tomorrow. I’m just so afraid of fucking this up with him.”

Howie smiles at me reassuringly. “Do you want to know what I learned with my Mary?” I nod. “If it’s meant to be, you can’t mess it up. And if it’s not meant to be, you can’t fix it.” I furrow my brows, pondering his words. “Just be yourself, let that boy in, and show him the real you. Give it a chance. Don’t sabotage yourself. If it doesn’t work out, it just wasn’t meant to be. You’ve endured much worse. But if it is…” he smiles up at the ceiling, “… if it is meant to be, it’s worth every try and every leap you have to take.”

CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE

Josh

“That looks so cute, Joshy.” Sophia beams at me. “There’s no way for her not to be in love with you after that.”

I rub the back of my neck. “You think she’ll like it?”

“It’s still kitten we’re talking about. Does she even like stuff?” Clay teases, and I elbow him in the ribs.

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