Page 55 of I Will Save You

“There’s plenty more water in the kitchen, and food if you’re hungry.”

My stomach roars.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he says with a laugh. Cam’s face is different now, lighter.

And much cleaner.

He’s dressed in a casual blue polo shirt, jeans, and is barefoot. As we walk out of the room, I realize I’m wearing pajamas. After my shower, I found them in a drawer. They are modest, pink flannel pajamas with snowflakes on them.

I run one hand through my hair. “I went to sleep with it wet.”

“You look fine.”

“I’m not – not allowed to look like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am expected to look perfect at all times. You need to – to leave me alone.”

“Those rules don’t apply here, Prin – Paigelynn.”

His words make me pause.

“They don’t?” I’m holding my breath. I seem only to inhale after speaking.

“They don’t. You are free to do whatever you want here.”

“Anything?”

“Anything except leave.”

Overwhelming emotion makes me throw my arms around his neck and pull him to me for an embrace, the need for kind human contact so great that I transgress. This isn’t about lust or attraction. I’m not asking him for a kiss or more.

I just need a hug.

I need someone to hold me and tell me it will all be okay.

I need to cry.

I need to breathe in someone’s embrace.

Cam holds me and guides me gently to a large, overstuffed chair, where he sits down and pulls me onto his lap, where I curl into a ball, like a kitten, as he strokes my hair and whispers, “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. We’ll get through this. You’re safe. You don’t need to make your hair perfect. You don’t need to suffer or make sacrifices. You can eat what you want and sleep when you’re tired.” The words don’t really matter, though the tone does. His meaning shines through in his gentle, tender handling of me.

I cry for my parents.

I cry for my past.

I cry for my present.

I cry for my dreams.

I cry for my lies.

I cry for my truths.

Most of all, I just cry because I have so much pain. Too much confusion. Too many questions and not enough answers. Cam thinks everything I’ve been taught is a lie, but he, too, was in a cult once.

Maybe he’s being deceived.

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