Page 99 of Stepping Up to the Plate

Step 2: Find a Job

Step 3: Deal with Phil

Step 4: Create Blog

Step 5: Try List

Step 6: Secure Brand Deal

I am happy to say I have completed all six steps listed. But now it is time to refocus on moving forward. I have been doing good on the job/blog front, but on my personal growth, not as much. As I review my list, a few ideas come to my mind right away and I jot them down.

Step 7: Find a Therapist

Step 8: Start Meditating/Daily Affirmations

Step 9: Attend Self-Development Event

Step 10: Make a Five-Year Plan

It isn’t the best list ever created, but it is a start and that gives me a sense of purpose. Completing step seven – finding a therapist – is the most important. Hopefully, they can help me improve on the other steps.

I had toyed with the idea of therapy in the past, especially after I cut all contact with my mom. Phil discouraged it, though. He acted as if getting professional help was a weakness or blemish on my character. Maybe he was afraid a therapist would point out all the ways our relationship was flawed. I shouldn’t have listened to him then and I certainly am not going to now. I can hear Brady’s voice competing with his in my head, telling me to do whatever I need to be whole and happy.

That’s the crux of the entire matter, though. I hope therapy will replace the voices I hear inside myself with my own. I want to be the one I rely on for inner guidance. I’ve spent too much time questioning my gut – with both good and bad outcomes. It is time to let my intuition run things.

* * *

As I stand outside the coffee shop I’m meeting Brady at, I peek inside and see him sitting at a table near the door. He positioned himself in such a way he will notice as soon arrive. Judging by the two drinks I see at his table, he has already ordered. I should be annoyed at him assuming my order, but I know that’s how he is. If he was meeting Kent, he’d have gotten his order for him, too. Plus, he knows what I like.

Taking a deep breath, I will myself to enter. When I do, those omniscient, pale blue eyes lock into mine. I stutter step before regaining my composure and approach his table. His gaze doesn’t shift away from mine. He stands to greet me and his fingers flex as if he is having to stop himself from reaching out to touch me. Despite that, a fraction of tension leaves his shoulders. It’s as if seeing me again in person is giving him some measure of relief.

It’s the same for me. I wasn’t initially excited about these meetings, but the sense of calm I get being in his presence is something I hadn’t accounted for. Seeing each other weekly will help me focus on my journey, not detract from it. If I don’t have to worry about the status of our relationship, I can truly put all my energy into myself.

“Hi,” I greet. It’s a bit stilted and awkward, but at least it got the ball rolling.

“Hey,” he replies. “I got you the apple pie latte. I hope that’s okay.”

“That is great, thank you. I haven’t tried that yet.”

Brady’s chest puffs out at that. “Good,” he states. “I figured if we only had twenty minutes, we shouldn’t waste any of them in line. How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you? Feeling good about the end of the season?”

“I’m okay. I think the season is wrapping up nicely. Austin can’t catch us in the standings, so we are already locked into the playoffs. As long as we all stay healthy, we will be in good shape.”

“That’s great,” I reply, searching for something else to say. It’s awkward again. I see him hesitate before reaching his hand out to grab mine.

“This doesn’t have to be weird. You know me, Lo. I know you. This temporary pause doesn’t change any of that. Tell me what you’ve got planned this week.”

I exhale, glad he called out the elephant in the room. I’m both relieved and envious of how self-assured he is in this situation. That is exactly what I am hoping to gain from this break.

Brady listens to me talk about the commitments for the magazine and an influencer event I’m attending before I drop the therapy bomb. I know inner Brady was all for it, but a small part of me is anxious IRL Brady won’t be. Not that it would stop me, but the people pleaser I am trying to rein in still wants his approval.

He nods his head as he takes the last sip of his chai. This time, his smile reaches his eyes. “That’s great, Lola. That will be a good resource to help you deal with everything that has happened in the last year.”

“I think it will. I’ve heard nothing but amazing things about her. I am excited to have her help processing everything and getting help to move forward.”

“I’m sure she’ll be great. And if not, the team’s psychologist would have recommendations I can ask for.” He glances down at his watch and frowns. “Our time is up. I’ll walk out with you.”

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