Page 39 of A Touch of Heaven

I exhale, and my breath is a little shaky. I can’t look at her. I can hear the judgment in her voice. Instead, I focus on the water, knowing she’s right. I watch the water lap slowly on the sand. Focusing on the movement of it all, wishing it would wash away the confusion and the guilt.

“I could…” I say softly. “Maybe I could fall for him? He’s kind and sweet, and he told me he loves me, Harper.”

“But he’s not Chase, Brooke. You can’t make somebody love somebody,” I tense as she speaks my words back to me. “Sure, feelings develop over time, but there has to be at least a little spark to begin with. You know there’s not Brooke. You’re trying to make feelings appear so you can get over Chase. All you’re going to do is hurt you and Nate. Do you really want to risk your friendship over this?”

I can’t answer because the truth is I don’t know what I feel. If anything, I feel a little numb. Neither of us says anything more. Instead, she hugs me, and then we watch the water lapping at the shore and the sun reflecting off the water. Both of us are deep in thought.

CHAPTERNINETEEN

BROOKE

After what seems like hours of silence, I turn to her. It’s probably been minutes, but I need to fill the silence by asking her something that’s been playing on my mind for a while now.

“What happened between you and Asher?”

She sighs. “It’s a long story, Brooke, and one I don’t know if I can handle bringing up. I need to accept that me and Asher will never be together because of what happened that night.”

It’s ironic because she has the same thinking as me. We both want to accept that the guys who hold our hearts will never return our feelings. Yet, we are both so invested in each other’s relationships and want it to happen. I swear we both need a therapist.

“You know I’m always here for you right?”

She sighs before starting. “There were so many people there that I didn’t know, but hey, I figured it was the boy’s party, right? They know everyone there. It’s perfectly safe. I went to get a drink, and I bumped into a couple of guys from another college. I was talking with one of them, and I think the other slipped something into my drink. I didn’t notice at the time, but when I came to find you, I felt dizzy, so dizzy, and so tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. One of them came up behind me and grabbed my waist, and took me upstairs to the bedroom. I thought…I thought he was helping me.”

She goes quiet for a second, staring out to the horizon, and I can see the pain in her eyes, hoping this story doesn’t end like Asher’s sister.

“The room was spinning, and everything was an effort. I couldn’t even lift my arm up. It felt so heavy like I had weights strapped to me. He laid me on the bed, and I felt his…his hands on me. I tried to call out, but nothing was coming from my lips. I wanted to fight. I really did, but I couldn’t. I remember thinking I was about to be raped by this bastard, and then I remember Asher. At least I think it was Asher, and I don’t know if it was just the drugs they gave me or he was really there, but he grabbed the guy off me and Brooke. He went mental. He kept hitting him and hitting him repeatedly, and I’m sure I saw…”

She’s shaking terribly as she talks about this, and I wonder if I should have asked or just left this alone.

“It’s okay, Harper, you’re safe. You’re here with me.”

“He snapped the guy’s neck, Brooke. I’m sure of it. I heard the sound of the bone crunch. I saw his dead eyes looking at me as he fell to the bed before I passed out completely. I’ll always remember those lifeless eyes staring at me. I woke up in my bed the next day with no recollection of how I got there. I felt awful the next morning. I had such a migraine, and I drifted in and out as pieces of the night before came to me. I knew I had to find Asher. He would tell me the truth, right? So, I drove myself to his house. He didn’t answer, but his door was unlocked, so I went in. He was in the middle of hooking up with some girl.”

She’s disgusted as she says that, and I know that really hurt her because if I saw Chase and Chloe in the middle of it, it would break me.

“I went to leave, but he saw me. He told her to get out and threw her dress at her. She was fuming, calling me a bitch for interrupting, but left all the same. I loved him in that moment, you know. He didn’t blink, just kicked her skanky ass out because he could see I was upset. He grabbed my hand, pulling me on the bed with him, and I confronted him about what happened. At first, he looked concerned for me, then he turned. It was like a switch went off in his head. Telling me none of it happened, and I must have been high. He fucking accused me of taking drugs willingly. You know I don’t do that shit. I fucking hate that he does it. I know I didn’t take anything, but maybe someone did slip something in my drink. I know something happened. I’m sure of it. We argued some more, well, a lot before I finally left. But he was so cold to me, Brooke. He laughed at me. He fucking laughed like I was deranged.”

She wipes away the tears as she laughs a little wildly before she sighs deeply and shrugs.

“I saw him a few days later. He came to my house, and he said he was sorry for how he acted, but could I blame him? After all, I went in there accusing him of murder. Of course, he was going to react that way. This time, he was different. He was so tender with me and held me for ages as I cried. I cried for hours, and we fell asleep in my bed with him holding me, but when I woke up, he was gone. The next time I saw him, he just acted like he didn’t hold me the entire night.”

I have no doubt in my mind that it happened. I’ve seen Asher lose his cool, and the thought of what happened to his sister nearly happening to Harper, I’m sure, would have sent him into a spiral.

“So, do you think it’s true, or did drugs make you hallucinate?”

“I don’t know anymore. I mean, I’ve heard rumors about Asher, but I can’t see him as a murderer, you know? But Brooke, that guy is missing! No one can find him, and the last time he was seen was at that party.”

I don’t know what to say to her at this point. Anything I could say could implicate Asher, and she would want to know more. Instead, I turn to her, grabbing both hands in mine.

“Listen, Harper. Whoever he was he clearly drugged you, I know you wouldn’t touch drugs voluntarily. If he is gone or dead then good, I’m glad because he deserves nothing but death for what he did, for what he intended to do. But Harper, would you really think badly of Asher for protecting you if he really did do what you think you saw?”

She sighs, shaking her head at me. “No. Not at all, but what does that make me?”

“It makes you stronger! You survived, and even though we may never know the full truth of what happened, I will thank whoever did that to that guy because he saved my best friend. Not everything in this world is black and white, Harper. There are elements of gray, and I’m only just realizing it myself. But I’m happy for those shades of gray because I understand sometimes things need to be done that don’t fit into the confines of our world. You understand?”

She nods, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I think I love him, you know? But he’s so hot and cold with me. Every time I think he feels the same way, I find out he is fucking some other girl or he acts like a prick. I can’t play that game anymore. I deserve better.”

I nod at her, thinking the same thing. What she just said describes Chase and the way he is with me.

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