Page 11 of A Touch of Heaven

We didn’t speak for over an hour. She just laid against my shoulder, her head nuzzled against my neck. I simply held her as she cried for what seemed like hours before she finally told me what had happened.

She had just gotten into NYU, getting her college acceptance letter that morning. It was her dream to get out of this town, and she had told no one except me she had applied. I don’t even think she told Nate.

She had headed downstairs, and just as she was about to tell them the good news, her father told her his news first. Brooke thought she had lost two things that night. Her father and the chance for her to have her first real adventure.

She threw the letter in the trash the same night and told me never to speak about it again. Her father became her primary focus as she took courses at the local college and supported him through his illness.

Eventually, he was told he was in remission, and it was the first time I saw my girl breathe again, like really breathe, but by then,she had lost her shot at getting out of this town for college.

I know she doesn’t regret it. She would never put her dreams ahead of her father’s health, but a part of me wonders if that’s still her dream. To leave Asheville and set off on her own big adventure. I want to be a part of her life when she does that, even if I’m on the sidelines, and I know I need to fix this.

Just as I decide to apologize to her, I hear someone clearing their throat behind me, and the food arrives at the worst possible moment. But I wonder if it’s a sign that I shouldn’t go to her.

I pay the guy and tip him. He’s just a kid, younger than Nate, so I make sure it’s a big one. His face lights up as I hand him two one-hundred-dollar bills, and I tell him no change. He darts quickly off the porch and in the opposite direction, just in case I change my mind. I can’t help but smile, shaking my head.

I step into the house, and my eyes meet Jax’s. He’s shaking his head at me, looking pissed, and I know he saw her crying. Jax has known her for almost as long as I have, and I know he cares for her deeply.

I feel like a prick, but I don’t know what to do. I had to get her away from me. I didn’t trust myself with her. I didn’t trust that I could stop myself. I had to stop her from falling into the trap I had set without realizing it. I tell myself it’s better this way, even though it’s breaking me.

I look around the room, and she’s nowhere to be seen. Asher is talking to Harper in the corner, and she has her love eyes on him, nodding eagerly to everything he’s saying. But you can tell she’s still a little frustrated with him. I see his fingers slowly running over her hip in circles, which distracts her somewhat. Something happened recently between the two of them, though. I can feel it.

Nate is sitting on the couch, flicking through his phone, probably on his Instagram. He looks up and sees the food.

“Finally, I’m starving!” He shouts, leaping over the couch and pulling the pizza boxes from my arms, throwing them onto the table, calling for Brooke, and I thank God he didn’t see her upset.

“I’ll get her. You know how girls can be.”

Jax snorts, knowing full well I’m the reason she’s not here, and I shoot him a glare, mouthing the word “Don’t.” He nods, knowing I’m not in the best mood to be messed with right now.

I walk up the stairs as the boys shove pizza into their mouths. Harper tells them they’re pigs as she holds plates in her hand. I chuckle, shaking my head, thinking we probably should have ordered more.

I stand outside her room for a second, contemplating what I should say. Just as I’m about to knock on her door, it swings open, and I come face to face with a very pissed-off but beautiful princess. I instantly notice she’s changed out of her shorts, and I can’t help but smile.

“Good girl” escapes my lips before I even realize it. I’m very proud of her even though I’m surprised she listened.

She looks like she’s about to say something, but I watch her blush as she tightly squeezes her thighs.She likes that, I think. Making a mental note to praise her more often before I watch her nose scrunch up in the most adorable way and her eyes narrow.

“Let’s get this straight, Chase. You are not my brother, you’re not my family, you’re not even my friend anymore. You have absolutely no input in anything I do, say, or wear from now on. I’m not here for you to toy with. I don’t want to get involved with any of the games you play with your friends and girls. The next time you treat me like one of your sluts you better make sure your door is locked when you sleep, or you won’t have a dick to feed them.” She gives me a cold smile and storms off.

I feel winded, like I’ve just taken a punch to the gut. I know I’ve fucked up, and I don’t know if I can come back from this.

That smile is the one she gave to Carter. The “I’m over your bullshit” smile when he tried to give her excuses for not getting in contact with her for months last winter, and god, it makes me feel sick. I want all her smiles and laughs, but never that one. For her to compare herself like that to any of the girls I’ve been with is absurd. I could never treat her like that.

But I did…didn’t I?

That’s precisely what I did out there. Toyed with her and played with her feelings. Called her names after getting her hot and heavy, then told her to fuck off when she wanted more. I rest the back of my head on the wall, hitting it against it three times while I try to figure out my next move, hoping the action might knock some sense into me, but it doesn’t.

I groan loudly, cursing myself as I think for just a moment that I should have pulled her into my arms right then before she walked off and kissed her hard, passionately, brutally, so she knows I could never feel that way about her. She’s the air I breathe, and right now, she took away all my oxygen. I’m suffocating without her, yet I’m oddly proud of how she stood up for herself.

I walk downstairs slowly and see her on one of the couches with Nate. He has his arm around her, and she’s giggling, feeding him pizza. Jealousy creeps into me, and Jax locks eyes with me. A little shake of his head, and I know I must look annoyed.

I take a deep breath and grab a beer from the fridge, throwing myself down next to him, opposite Nate and Brooke, not bothering to grab any pizza as I think to myself, “You’re welcome, brother,” bitterly.

Asher and Harper are now staring daggers at each other, and I realize he’s fucked it up, just like me.

“Welcome to the club,” I say to him, and he shoots me one of his death stares that chills even the bravest of us to the bone.

An hour or two passes, and I’m quite a few bottles of beer in. I’m drunk, I know it, but I don’t care. It numbs this pain I’m feeling. I didn’t even bother eating a slice of pizza. I spent most of the night drinking with Jax, who kept telling me I should slow down. Needless to say, I didn’t listen.

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