Page 47 of The Nature of Secrets

Images of last night’s meltdown flashed one after the other in her brain.

She was worried about her. Emotions twisted inside her. More often than not she didn’t know who she was anymore. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

She certainly wasn’t that wide-eyed defender of justice any longer.

She and Matt had started that journey together. Hurt wallowed inside her. He was still the good guy, but what was she?

Rather than say any of that, she told him part of the truth. “I’m glad I’ve got you in my life, Matt.” She stared at the ground. “I don’t know if I could get through this without you and Jack.”

He slung an arm around her neck and pulled her into a hug. “When this is behind you, you can move on. And I’ll still be there for as long as you want me around.”

The idea was suddenly the scariest part of all. She knew he would be there. She wanted him there.

But she didn’t deserve him.

Finley understood this with a new level of conviction now.

“I just want you to remember what I said about putting Derrick and any investigations into what happened with him behind you,” she said, then quickly amended, “behind us. Maybe last night was about me moving on.” She shrugged. “Like I said, it’s time.”

Matt smiled sadly. “I know what you’re doing.”

She hoped to hell not.

“You don’t want me to worry about you, but you waste time worrying about me. We’re in this together, Fin. If you’re done looking back, so am I.”

She drummed up a smile. “Good.”

She had a very bad feeling that he understood she was lying.

15

1:32 p.m.

Metro Police, East Precinct

East Trinity Lane, Nashville

Finley sat in her car and watched Matt drive away. She’d begged off lunch with the excuse that she and Jack had to catch up.

It was true. Mostly.

She told herself to move, but she didn’t.

Start the car.

She drew in a breath of hot, stuffy air and started the engine, powered down the windows to ease the buildup of heat stifling her. Graves had recognized she was lying. Just like last time. She hadn’t pulled the trigger that ended the life of Billy Hughes in that convenience store back in July any more than she had the one that took Tark Brant’s last night.

But she had been there. She knew things she had opted not to share. Those things were primarily irrelevant to the deaths of those men. The rest was only relevant to Finley and what those two bastards had done to her and her husband. That particular knowledge would not change the outcome of the murder investigations.

Well, admittedly the fact that Finley knew the identity of Brant’s killer would make a difference, but she didn’t feel compelled to share the information with Graves. Why make his job easy? The fact was, the shooting was self-defense. Brant would very likely have killed Lemm if she hadn’t killed him first. Besides, it wasn’t like Brant was some sort of innocent victim.

Right, Finley.

The idea went against everything the law stood for ... against everything she had cherished before ...

Which segued into the reality that Matt knew she was lying. This thing she was doing had gone on too long for him not to know, and the idea of it made her sick at herself.

Ellen Winthrop abruptly intruded into Finley’s thoughts. Had she killed her husband for reasons she deemed justifiable?

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