Page 61 of Home for the Holidays

“Oh, I know.” Zac laughed. “I’m shocked you didn’t put the one up in my room again.”

“Shit,” Heidi said, realizing she had forgotten to. “I’ll go do it now.” She went to stand but stopped when Zac put his hand on her arm.

“Do not.” He shook his head. “It’s okay. I promise.”

“Okay, but if you change your mind…” She ran her hand over his shaggy hair and lightly tapped his cheek. “You were gone a lot longer than last year. Did you have fun?”

The question seemed to stump him. She understood why, but she also didn’t expect the look on his face to stump her too.

“Uh, yeah. It was, I mean, we all had a great time. I think my friendship with Evan is just throwing me.” He cleared his throat. “Y’know what I mean?” He was looking into Heidi’s eyes, and even though he was sitting next to her, everything about the intimacy in his stare made her miss her son so much.

“Strangely, I do. I know exactly what you’re talking about.”

He let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, sure, Ma.” He looked over at Iris as he playfully rolled his eyes. She gave him an empathetic smile, which of course Heidi felt in the pit of her stomach.

“Oh, honey,” Heidi said as she leaned back against the couch. “I have so much I could tell you.”

“Well, go ahead,” he said. “The floor is yours.”

“Now is not the time.”

Iris went to stand. “I’ll get out of here.”

“Absolutely not,” Zac and Heidi said, both leaning forward with their hands reaching toward her. They looked at each other, and Heidi thought for sure that she had just given herself away. She waited for Zac’s response, but when all he did was burst into laughter, relief filled her, from her toes to the crown of her head.

“You can certainly tell I’m your son,” he said as he scooted down and leaned against her shoulder. He took a deep breath. “I do want to say, because I know I was a total ass about it to begin with, but I think it has been good to see Evan. I have…” His voice trailed off, and all she could do was stare at Iris, at the look of hope on her face. “Really enjoyed reconnecting with him.”

“That’s great, honey,” Heidi whispered. She kissed the top of his head. “You’re not the same person you were in high school.” Did that come off how she wanted it to? She spent the following two seconds praying she hadn’t offended him.

“You’re right,” he finally said.

She sighed softly. “I’m always right.”

“Sure,” Zac said. She noticed his foot, how he pressed it into Iris’s leg, who chuckled lightly.

“You two are not going to gang up on me.”

“We would never,” Iris said. She winked at Heidi, and a chill zipped through her. The way her body was responding to Iris was on another level of self-awakening. Dredging up the memories of Eloise hadn’t been nearly as traumatizing as she’d thought it’d be. The only bad part had been realizing how tame and innocent those feelings were, which had completely wrecked her. This all felt so different compared to when she fell into a role because she thought she was doing the right thing.

Heidi snorted.The right thing.What she had failed to tell Iris was how she protested at first. How she had sat on the edge of the bed and told a half-naked Stanley and an even more naked Eloise that she wasn’t sure she could do this. How she wasn’t the type of person who could split her heart. How she wasn’t someone who could justhave sexwith someone. How Stanley had protested because he was the only man she’d ever been with. How he was so persuasive. The years of repression that followed so she didn’t have to feel the things she should have and the years of therapy after, to unleash the emotions she needed, had taught her many things.

“Ma?” Zac’s question broke through her thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“What if I told you that…”

Heidi held her breath.

“I think Iris and I are going to go see Evan tonight?”

Iris laughed. “I’m not going anywhere. What are you talking about?”

“What?” He sat up and looked at her. “Why not? You don’t want to go with me?”

“It’s ChristmasEve. I’m eating homemade pizza and watchingHome Alonewithyourfamily. Why can’t Evan just join us?”

Heidi released the breath she’d been holding. “Zac, you can go if you want to.” Iris’s eyes moved to hers. She was trying to get him to just say it, which was fine, but the last thing she wanted to do was push him into telling her the truth. Of course it was taking everything in her to not just say,I know you are in love with Evan and not Iris. It’s okay. I still love you.But if it wasn’t going to happen organically, would it mean as much?

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