Page 59 of Home for the Holidays

“Iris.” Her voice came out as softly as the snow that was falling. “You’re the first person who has ever said something like that to me.” Heidi raised her gloved hand. “Wait, I take that back. You’re thesecondperson who has said something like that to me.”

“I figured Sandy had to have said something blush-inducing before.”

Heidi shook her head. “Nope, not Sandy.”

“Oh? Oh… oh! Wait, does this have to do with Paris? Because I haven’t forgotten that you still haven’t told me about it.”

Heidi breathed in. Her chest rose and fell before she said, “Her name was Eloise.”

“Ah-ha.”

“No,” Heidi said, followed by a nervous chuckle. “Noah-ha. I know this sounds like a complete cop-out, but I hadnoidea what was happening. I stumbled into this weirdsomething, and she was there to, I don’t know, catch me, I guess?” Her hands were shoved into the pockets of her black North Face parka, and her red-and-white-striped wool cap had snow all over it. “I’m still not sure what happened.”

“What do you mean? I’m confused. Did you have a relationship with her?” Iris’s question hung in the air, suspended with anticipation. Heidi looked over, her brown eyes pleading for her to implicitly give her something, but Iris had no idea what she was meant to feel. Forgiveness? Understanding? Compassion? “Heidi, what happened?”

“I mean, looking back on it, I think I fell in love with her. She was a bartender at the restaurant beneath our apartment. I was in school, and she was”—Heidi shook her head—“she was like this breath of fresh air. I…” She looked at Iris. “I cannot even believe I’m going to tell you this.”

“Heidi,” Iris said with a chuckle. “Unless it ends with you murdering her, I don’t think I’ll be all that surprised.”

“God, no, that is not what happened.” Heidi’s laugh was adorable. “I guess essentially Stanley and I were both in a relationship with her.” Her face scrunched after the confession.

“Do you mean you were a throuple?” It was definitely not what Iris had expected, but she was used to hearing things she didn’t quite expect.

She nodded. “But I am not polyamorous, and neither is Stanley.” She groaned. “This whole story is so screwed up. I think we were both stuck, y’know? We both missed our friends and family back here, and it was Christmas, and she was easy on the eyes and fun.” The tone of Heidi’s voice, the excitement layered with regret and melancholy, was unlike anything Iris had heard before. “She invited us both back to her place one night. We went, which was not like us at all. I mean, seriously, we were high school sweethearts. Fromhere, in the Middle of Nowhere, Iowa, for Pete’s sake. And we just went back to this beautiful bartender’s house.” She let out a puff of air, a small gasp, and laughed. “It was so stupid.”

“Heidi?” Iris threaded her hand through the crook of her arm. “Nothing you’re saying is stupid. I am not judging you. I’m listening. That’s all.”

“This went on for a good year and a half. Then I found out I was pregnant. Stanley was so supportive, and, honestly, so was Eloise. I, um, I didn’t realize until a few months later that Stanley had started sleeping with a man he met through Eloise. Frank was his name.” She shook her head and laughed. “He was such a dork, but Stanley, wow. He was so taken withFrank. It didn’t bother me. Probably because I was also sleeping with Eloise, y’know, without Stanley, which was… was…c’était incroyable.” She looked at Iris. “I know I’m an awful person.”

“Stop,” Iris said as she literally stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and turned Heidi to face her. “You are not an awful person for enjoying sex with another person. Period. Please try to remember that.” They started walking again, and all Iris wanted to do was grab Heidi, hug her, and never allow her to feel so insecure again.

“We left as soon as I was done with school. Stanley’s mother was sick, and raising two kids there was…yeah. It made sense to leave.”

“So you left her.” It wasn’t a question. Iris could tell by the expression on Heidi’s face that this was not easy to talk about. The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable. It was peaceful, relaxed, and much needed. “Where are you taking me, anyway?”

“The Christmas tree lighting.” She squeezed Iris’s arm. “It’s one of my favorite events.”

“Wait, why don’t you have the family come with, then? If it’s your favorite?”

Heidi shrugged. “There’s something special about keeping this for myself. Like, there’s one tiny part of Christmas I don’t have to share. It’s all mine. I don’t have to perform or be the hostess. It probably sounds very selfish. I don’t know how to describe it, I guess, but I love having this to myself,” she said, finishing her sentence. Then she added, quietly, “And now you.”

The emotion that bubbled into Iris’s esophagus prevented her from responding. If she had tried to force a response, she would have started crying. How was it possible that this person,this woman, was able to pull these emotions from her so easily when other people in her life couldn’t? Were they inferior? Was Iris just good at hiding her emotions? Or was Heidi just good at accessing them?

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

They stopped at the stoplight on Main Street and waited for the crosswalk. Heidi could feel every breath Iris took. Being this close to her without having to worry about what the family was doing or thinking was exhilarating. And being able to look at her, admire her profile—her nose and lips and the way the air she breathed out formed into a cloud of condensation—filled her stomach with butterflies. Iris was the most beautiful woman she’d ever laid eyes on, and to know that she was here, she was interested, and she waslisteningmade her even more lovely.

“You are the first person I’ve ever told that story,” she murmured.

“I’m honored.” Iris glanced at her, and all Heidi could think was that kissing her now would be perfect.

“Fucking rules,” she breathed out.

“Tell me about it. All I want to do is kiss you right now. In front of god and everyone.”

The emotion Iris’s statement caused made Heidi’s throat ache. Why was it so shocking that someone as wonderful as Iris could feel the same way Heidi was feeling? Why was it so hard to believe she was worth more than rushed sex in the broom closet of a restaurant? “I never thought I’d get to the spot where kissing a woman in public wouldn’t stress me out, but I’m feeling the exact same way.”

The relief on Iris’s face was both gorgeous and heartbreaking.

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