Page 55 of Home for the Holidays

“It’s a momentous occasion, so definitely celebrate.”

“Oh, shut up,” she said playfully.

“One more thing,” he said, still oblivious to the flour all over his sweater. “You know you can’t sleep with her.” He slid his glasses down his nose and stared at her. “Because I’m not blind. That’s the same way you used to look at Eloise.”

She gasped. “I didnosuch thing!” The very mention of her name made Heidi’s stomach drop.

He let out ahumph. “Heidi, babe, you had no idea, did you?”

Once again, she stilled, then slowly raised her gaze to look at him. “I was as in the dark about myself as I was about you.” It was the only thing she could think to say. Try as she might, she’d not been able to pinpoint a ton of specific times in her life where it made sense why she was the way she was.

He gently placed his hands on her face. “I love you so much.”

She only nodded; if she spoke, she was going to cry. And it was never good to cry when she was in the middle of baking. She’d learned that lesson the hard way.

“Okay,” he said, removing his hands from her face. “I’m going to go with the kids and Kevin sledding. You sure you don’t want to come?”

She motioned to the dough. “Yes, I’m positive. You all go and have fun. I’ll have everything ready for your return.” He smiled. That answer seemed good enough, thank goodness. She watched him walk out of the kitchen carrying the cooler, and a wave of guilt slammed into her. Zac had essentially told Iris, “Hands off my mom,” and Stanley had basically said, “Hands off Iris.” Not going sledding was exactly the right thing to do. If she went, all she’d want to do was be around Zac’s fake girlfriend. Especially after that kiss.

Christ, that kiss.She breathed in at the memory of Iris’s lips.And this morning’s kiss… and how marvelous Iris felt…How was something as simple asthe memoryof a kiss causing her hands and throat to ache? She was beside herself with the velocity of her developing feelings. She barely knew this woman. Wasn’t it impossible to feel this strongly about someone she barely knew? It certainly wasn’t something her parents had taught her. They had beaten it into her that love forms after friendship. Did she believe that? No. But, then again, she’d never experienced it before. Not before Stanley, not during, and definitely not after.

Until, well, now. And she wasn’t allowed to pursue it. She had to brush these feelings off, push them to the side, because blood was thicker than whatever she was feeling for Iris. Not to mention less fleeting. All of this emotion was a blip on her radar. That was all. She could easily go back to figuring herself out with Sandy.

She loved Sandy. She was her best friend. Couldn’t she figure out a way to be happy and satisfied with her too?

A deep sadness crept in and quietly replaced every ounce of guilt she was feeling. Was she always going to sit by and let her family’s happiness take precedence over her own? Or was she going to take a chance, throw caution to the wind, and find out if being happy herself was more important?

She chuckled to herself, a meek chuckle that only meant one thing.

She would put her family first.

Like always.

CHAPTERTWENTY

As soon as Evan arrived, the entire family gravitated toward him like he was the sun. Stanley practically yanked him from his boots as he pulled him into a hug. Oscar and Adrien were all over him, too. Like, guys, you just saw him yesterday. What had changed between then and now? She studied Zac and Evan as they stood next to each other. They were a very cute couple. Their differences complimented each other well. She saw the way Zac’s hand lingered on Evan’s back. The way Evan kept looking at Zac as if he hung the moon. The way Zac’s smile looked so genuine that it actually made her chest ache. They were actually acting like they were much closer than friends. They weren’t hiding it. Shaun even came up to Iris and said, “Hmm, that’s an ironic scene unfolding before us, don’tcha think?” Thankfully, he laughed when she called him Alanis and told him to calm down.

Iris wanted to stand in the middle of the Evan love-fest and say,Hey, you realize I’m supposed to be the girlfriend, right? Not this guy?Not a single one of the Nowaks acted like it was out of the ordinary to see Zac and Evan together, standing so close a piece of paper couldn’t fit between them, looking at each other like they thought they’d never see one another again.

It was all just soverystrange, considering Zac’s stance on not just popping out of the closet. But whatever.

“Iris, hi,” Evan said as he excused himself and came over to give her a hug, his muscular arms enveloping her. “I wanted to thank you.” He pulled away and looked at her. “For last night.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond. “Oh? Yeah? No worries, Evan.” That should cover it. “I just thought it’d be great for you to be able to catch up,” she added, y’know, for good measure, and turned to walk away from him.

He smiled at her. “Iris.”

She froze. “Yeah, what’s up?”

He was still smiling his megawatt smile, which, damn, if she were into guys at all, she would absolutely think he was the cat’s pajamas. He leaned closer to her. “I know.”

“Know what?” She looked around to make sure no one else was listening.

“I know. Y’know?”

“You knowwhat? What do you mean?” She yanked him by the bottom of his sweater until he followed her out of the living area and down the hallway. When she turned around to face him, she straightened his sweater. “What are you talking about?” she whisper-yelled.

He chuckled. He wasn’t understanding the severity of the situation, obviously. “About you and Zac.”

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