Page 40 of Home for the Holidays

Iris scoffed, and Heidi looked at her, her left eyebrow cocked. “Sorry,” Iris said. “Continue.”

“It turns out it wasn’t because I wasn’t enough; it was because I wasn’t into men. I felt stupid. Ifeelstupid. I know it doesn’t make sense.”

“No, it does.” Iris reached over and placed her hand on Heidi’s, which was balled into a fist in her lap. “Your feelings are valid. Always. They’re valid because you feel them. Period. Okay?”

Heidi’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“And as far as your coming-out process? That’syourprocess. Not mine, not Zac’s, not Adrien’s. Yours. No one can take that from you. You do what you need to do. I hope you know my questions aren’t asked to make you feel bad. I ask questions because that’s what I do.” Iris shrugged before she finally removed her hand.

“You’re the first person in my life I’ve told who hasn’t…” Heidi rolled her lips inward, eyes locked onto Iris’s.

“Who hasn’t what?”

She shook her head. “Hasn’t made me feel like I’m a horrible person for keeping this secret. You and my therapist, of course.”

“Probably because I’m also a therapist.” Iris laughed.

Heidi’s eyes lingered a little longer on hers. “That makes a lot of sense.”

“Your therapist and I have heard worse, I can guarantee that. And those people who are awful to you for living your life are assholes.” Iris chuckled along with Heidi. “You are perfect. I hope you know that.”

“You’re clearly inebriated.”

“True.” Iris grinned. “But I have a phenomenal knack for reading people.”

An easy silence fell between them as the bar started to empty. Iris checked her watch. It was almost one in the morning. “Holy cow, it’s late. We should probably get out of here.” She reached for her bag so she could pay, but stopped when Heidi’s hand landed on her arm.

Heidi stood and pulled her coat on. “I’m going to walk home with you if that’s okay.”

The tiny flame of hope that had started to burn inside Iris’s chest grew a little brighter as she answered, “It’s more than okay.”

CHAPTERFOURTEEN

The smack of cold air and falling snow as they left the bar led Heidi to the revelation that she was in no position to keep talking. Especially not when she slipped a little on the snow-covered sidewalk as they made their way to Washington Street. Two too many old-fashioneds and not nearly enough food was never a good idea, and the conversation, coupled with a good amount of eye and body contact, was only making it harder to keep her head on straight.

She chuckled to herself.Straight.

The last six months had moved on by at the speed of light. She’d devoured every book she could about late-in-life lesbians and their coming-out processes. She’d joined a multitude of Facebook groups, hoping she’d stumble across someone who would be able to explain what was happening to her and why it was happening the way it was. Of course, she’d come up empty-handed. All she wanted was to know how people were going to react. That was it. Donna knowing and not freaking out was on point. Donna was the most spiritual and forgiving person she’d ever met. Charity knowing was definitely a shock, but also, maybe Heidi wasn’t as straight-presenting as she thought she was. Maybe she’d been eyeing women for a long time. Heidi truthfully wasn’t sure. She’d searched her memory bank time after time and never seen anything out of the ordinary. So, how was any of this possible? How had she spent her entire life not realizing this? If only there were a magic elixir—something other than an old fashioned—for her to take that would calm the worries coursing through her at all hours of the day and night.

Then, enter Iris Abbott. Her son’s fake girlfriend, roommate, and best friend. Someone she was insanely attracted to on a level she’d only ever read about. And nothing more could happen between them.

Talk about infuriating.

Of all the women who had come into her life, Iris was the first person she wanted to truly get to know. She wanted to sit and talk to her for hours. Listen to her stories, ask her questions, answerherquestions, and find out what made her tick, what made her cry, what made her laugh, what made her love. The desire was so strong, and all tonight had done was make it more intense, which would make it even harder to fight.

She glanced over at Iris as they walked in silence. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, her nose pink from the alcohol, her lips pink from her lip gloss, and all Heidi could think about was how happy she was that she got to meet this gorgeous woman. Snow had accumulated on top of the scarf Iris had wrapped around her head like an old Polish woman, and as they trudged through the snow, Heidi could feel herself smiling, enjoying herself,fallingat a rate she was truly not comfortable with, and all of that was making it hard to breathe.

She wasn’t stupid; she wasn’t going to try anything with Iris again. That was a good way to get Zac upset with her for forever. She needed to make sure he knew how much she loved him regardless of who he was sleeping with, first and foremost. Her raging, middle-aged libido would have to wait.

Of course, she did have Sandy as a backup plan.

Backup plan.

She cringed. Referring to Sandy like that was horrible. She was far from a backup plan. One of the best friends she had ever had, Sandy was her everything. But now she was everything and then some, and not in the capacity Heidi wanted. She was a short-term solution to a long-term problem.

She cringed again. Another poor choice of words. She needed to figure herself out, or she was going to ruin that friendship with flying colors.

“Thank you so much for walking with me,” Iris said after they’d climbed the snowy steps to the Nowaks’ door.

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