Page 3 of Home for the Holidays

“I know, honey.” She leaned into his strong shoulder. “Do you want my advice, or do you want me to be there for you?”

He shrugged. “I’m torn. I’d love for you just to shut up and listen to me, but I think I might need your advice. Like a teeny, tiny bit of advice. Free, of course, because I already pay half the rent and grocery bill.”

“You make three times more than I do.”

He grinned, and for the first time, it looked like he meant it. “True, true.” He moved his hand through the air, giving her the floor. “Please, advise me.”

She took a deep breath. Sometimes giving advice to Zac backfired. Actually, it did more times than not. Treading carefully was her only option.

“Point blank”—which was not at all treading carefully, she realized as she said it—“I think you need to tell your family. I know it’s hard. Believe me, Iknow. I had to come out, too, and as much as you think my mom accepts me now, that was not the case when I first told her. I’m not telling you this so you’ll reconsider, but sometimes I think you stop yourself because you think I had it so easy.” She paused, closed her eyes tightly, and held the memory at bay of her mom telling her she was a huge disappointment. Processing that now, regardless of how many times she’d done it, was also not on her list ofFun Things to Do This Holiday Season. “I don’t have to say this, because I know your head is already big enough”—he laughed—“but you are incredible. You are living a fantastic life. One you should be proud of.”

“But I’m single and living with you.” He glanced at her. “No offense.”

“I mean, none taken?”

“I’m just saying, shouldn’t I be happy and in love and living withtheperson? And not my lesbian best friend?”

She wanted to argue, but, “Yeah, same. I should also be happy and in love and living with a hot lady and not my gay best friend.”

“See?”

God, he was so right. What had happened in her life that she was single and living with someone she would never want to sleep with? How bleak her life had become. “Wait a second. I am not letting you drag me down your depression spiral. I amfine. I enjoy my life the way it is, and you are a great person and a fantastic friend. You being gay is only a fraction of who you are. It’s not the most important part, which, if you were to ask me, would be that you are one of the kindest souls I’ve ever had the pleasure to be around.”

“Aww, Iris,” he said softly, wiping away a few stray tears. Sometimes she wished she had a fraction of his emotional side. Years of holding back the things family members, friends, even random weirdos who were no longer in her life, seemed to hate the most about her conditioned her that it wasn’t okay to shed tears unless absolutely necessary.

“Being honest with yourself is one thing. But being honest with the people who love you is another entirely. And until you do that, you will constantly feel like you’re chasing happiness. I can guarantee it.”

“So, what is your advice?”

“Oh my god.” She let out an exasperated sigh. “You need to come out to your mom and dad and brothers. Once you do that, you’ll feel so much better. It’s hard. I’m not saying it’s not. But being out of the closet with the people who are supposed to love you no matter what is very freeing. Even if they react poorly, at least you’reout. Truthfully, Zac, the reason your relationships never work is because you aren’t beingfullyauthentic. That shit weighs you down, regardless of how much you think you’ve dealt with it, buried it, and locked it away in a tiny New York City apartment closet.”

“You’re saying I’m the problem? It’s me?”

“No, Taylor Swift, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“That’s high praise, calling me Taylor Swift.” He beamed, and she laughed as she smacked him on the arm.

“I’m saying being honest with yourself and with the people around you plays a huge part in being healthy, emotionally, mentally, the whole circle.”

“You and your big psychologist brain. I swear.” He leaned forward and kissed Iris on the cheek.

She patted his cheek fondly. “I love you, you big homo.”

“I’m happy I found you at that dumb straight gathering that night in SoHo,” he whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers.

She breathed in. The sensation was strange, being this intimate with him. They were no strangers to affection, but this was a new level, one she wasn’t completely comfortable with, considering he wanted her to travel with him. “We both stuck out like sore thumbs that night, didn’t we?”

A few seconds of silence passed between them before he tensed and said, “Okay.” He stood quickly. “I am going to go to the bathroom, and then we’re going to watch a Christmas movie because I need to get in the mood since I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“Deal.”

She waited until he left the living room to heave a sigh of relief. Crisis averted. The last thing she wanted to do was travel to ultraconservative Indiana with her closeted gay best friend. His mom sounded like a real peach, too. A perfectionist mother was never a good sign, and Iris, of all people, should know. No wonder he didn’t want to go. But if he didn’t want to go, why the hell would she? Sure, she was upset her parents had gone on a cruise, but they already said they’d try to celebrate when they got back.

“Okay, Iris, I have an idea,” Zac said as he rushed back into their tiny living room. He hopped over the back of the overstuffed chair and plopped into its cushions. “What if you go home with me, and we can pretend you’re mygirlfriend? Just until I get the courage to tell my mom that I’m gay. Huh? That sounds like a great plan, right?”

She let out a puff of laughter before she glanced around the room, as if she was being punked. “What happened between the first time I said no and now? Did you fall down and hit your head? Do you smell toast? Are you having a stroke?”

“What? Come on!”

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