Page 49 of Home for the Holidays

“Yes.”

“Then I’m going to say this, and you’re going to have to take it.” She took a deep breath. “You self-sabotage. All the time. Literally all the time. This is a perfect example of that. You have an awesome friendship with Zac. You are wonderful roommates. Do you want to lose that?”

She shook her head.

“She’s his mom, Iris. His mom.”

“I know.” She pointed to her head. “It’s about the only thing that stopped me from having sex with her this morning.”

Stacey groaned. “You can’t just have a nice Christmas, can you? You can’t just go and have fun and enjoy small-town USA. You have to go and completely blow up your life.”

“Hey now,” Iris said softly. “I didn’t blow it up yet. But no. You’re right.”

“I know.” Stacey was no longer on the screen, and Iris heard a toilet flush.

“Seriously?” Iris laughed. “You’re peeing while I have a breakdown?”

Stacey’s face reappeared. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hold it.” She shook her head and let out a soft sigh. Her frustration was showing now, which was so unlike her. She always listened to Iris’s trials and tribulations in the dating world, and she always gave advice and loved her no matter what. Now, the way she was handling this situation made Iris’s stomach twist. “You have got to figure this out, Iris. If you tried to sleep with my mom, I would be so mad at you.”

“Your mom is happily married to a man.”

“Yeah, and straight.”

“Obviously.”

“In what world do you see this being okay?”

“I don’t know.” Iris sighed as she lay back on the bed. Zac’s bed. Zac’s childhood bed, where she had just straddled his mom and made out with her. “You’re right.”

“I know I am. Here’s what I think is happening. You are falling into the same pattern you always do. You find someone older, beautiful, and you start having all these emotions and feelings and instead of realizing this is all a trauma response because of your mommy issues, you—” Stacey stopped when she finally looked at Iris’s face. “Oh shit. Did I just overstep?”

Iris rolled her eyes. “I mean, no, but you certainly aren’t sugarcoating anything today, are you?”

“Well? Would you rather me lie to you?”

“Can I tell you what I feel like is happening? Because you aren’t wrong, but I don’t know if you’re seeing everything I am feeling.”

“Sure, by all the means, the floor is yours.”

“For the first time in my entire life, I feel safe with someone. She makes me feel like my entire life, every struggle, every failed relationship, every moment of growth, has been leading me here, to this, to her. You know me. You know I don’t trust easily…but something about her is just…different. I don’t know, Stacey. Letting that go? When I finally feel like maybe I found the person I’ve been looking for? It all seems so unfair.”

Stacey’s face softened. “It is nice to see you all happy.”

Iris lifted her head, miserable. “This is me looking happy?”

“Yeah, you have this great glow about you.” She stopped talking and took a very deep breath. “So, like, what would happen if you went forward with this?”

Iris rolled onto her side, continuing to stare at Stacey. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe,ugh, I can’t believe I’m going to say this after everything I just said, but maybe you should see where it goes?”

“You’re so confusing.”

“Not the first time I’ve heard that.” She laughed. “Maybe you’re right? Maybe it is unfair and this is what you’re supposed to do… Your commitment issues and your inability to trust a partner has been next level.” Stacey chuckled at herself. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“Doesn’t seem like it sometimes.” Iris groaned. “Giving her up means giving up the possibility of being happy.”

“You have been struggling for so long when it comes to women, haven’t you? In our ten years of friendship, I’ve never heard you talk about anyone like this.”

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