Page 96 of These Rough Waters

But thinking of my death, of what I was leaving behind left a pain so potent, it stole my breath.

How could I let him win when I’ve fought so hard to defeat him? How could I just sit and take his abuse and his control when I’d managed to get away from him? I had the strength; I had the will… where was it when I needed it?

This fear was controlling me. This trauma he left was trying to take over what I had built for myself, trying to rob me of what I had learned since I left him. I was stronger than him, maybe not physically but mentally I was, I wasn’t scared of him.

I wasn’t scared of him.

Rett groans and rolls and relief washes through me. He had to survive. I needed him to survive.

I needed Harper and Torin.

I needed Ravenpeak Bay and fuck, I wasn’t going to let him take that from me. He had stolen enough from me for the past nine years, he has taken enough from me.

No more.

He was going to have nothing else from me.

And if I died fighting him then so be it, at least I’ll go knowing I didn’t let him take me easily.

I was going to die anyway, I just had to decide how quick I wanted it to happen.

I could go fighting, showing the damn world I wasn’t the meek, scared girl everyone thought I was, I could show everyone he no longer controlled me. I could send a message to my daughter that no matter how someone treated you, you were in control of your destiny.

I could show Torin everything he has taught me in his way. Show him his love for me helped me gain the strength and will to fight for myself.

Because you could be surrounded by people who love, protect and care for you but at the end of the day, you were the only person you could count on. Your strength and your power, your control and will was all you had to make you put that foot in front of the other.

You were your only hope in the end.

And you just had to believe in yourself. That you were strong enough to take the battle, strong enough to choose yourself.

And I was choosing myself.

When another wave hits the boat hard, I use it to my advantage, dramatically launching myself from the chair as if dislodged. I slam into the containers, hitting it harder than expected and knocking the wind out of my lungs, but I manage to grab the knife, hiding it at my side while I try to regain my balance and get back to my seat so I can tuck it under my leg.

“Sit the fuck back down, Maya!” Trevor orders.

“I am!” I scream back at him, “You’re the one stupid enough to go out in this fucking weather.”

His face twists in anger but then another wave hits us, and he slams into the side of the boat, and has to grapple to stop himself from going overboard.

Fuck, it would be satisfying to watch him drown.

I was never violent, nor have I ever been aggressive but how I wished I was now. Because to watch that man bleed like he had bled me would give me something akin to a hit from a drug right now.

“Nico,” Trevor says roughly, “Go fucking faster.”

“Sir,“ He nods, obeying as he pushes on a lever that forces the boat to notch up speed.

Movement in the corner of my eye has me swiveling my head, finding Rett dragging himself towards me, leaving a watery trail of blood behind him.

“Stop,” I hiss, “I have a plan.”

He raises dying eyes to me, face twisted in pain. My heart stutters. He was going to die. Everett was going to die.

“Trevor,” I snap, “Can I see to him? He’ll bleed out.”

“No.”

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