Page 31 of These Rough Waters

“Rett.” I answer.

“I’m coming to the island.”

“Why?”

“Because brother, it’s been five years and you’re still likethis.”

“Nothing is different.”

“Have you even got laid?” He scoffs.

“Jesus Christ, Rett,” I grunt, “What does that fucking matter?”

“Because you can’t chase ghosts, Tor.”

“I’m not chasing a ghost. Grace and Leo are dead, nothing changes that.”

“Torin,” Rett sighs.

“Is this about the fucking job again?”

“Fuck the job!” He growls, “I don’t know how to help you! I thought the job might take you back, ya know, to before.”

“I’m retired.”

“You retired for Grace and Leo…”

“And ignoring that got them killed.”

“A storm got them killed, Torin, not you.”

“I was the reason they were on that damn boat in the first place!” I growl, “I retired and took a job when I said I wouldn’t. Told myself it won’t take long, the check at the end was worth it, so I put them on the damn boat. And they died!”

And even with these fresh thoughts, with the memories swimming at the surface of my thoughts, it’s fucking Maya I see. Maya escaping on a boat with a stranger, Maya placing herself in front of her child to protect her.Maya, Maya, Maya…

A woman I don’t know. A woman I could never have. A woman who was NOT my wife!

Rett’s still talking when I cut off the line and launch the device across the cemetery, the cell smashing against the tree opposite me. I hadn’t even noticed the rain had become torrential in the time I was speaking with Rett, hadn’t noticed I was soaked through while I sat at Grace and Leo’s headstones.

Fucking Maya. Sitting in Grace’s cabin. Maya, sleeping so damn peacefully on the couch while a storm raged inside of me.

I knew Rett would come, the bastard didn’t know when to give up and Iwantedto stay away from Maya. I fucking needed to but there was a damn string tugging me toward her.

If she were smart, she would listen to what I said, she would avoid me because I was proving to be weak. Too damn weak to ignore this curiosity that led me back to her every damn time.

Even with the storm still raging I go out on the boat the following morning, exhaustion weighing down my limbs and tightening my chest. I spent an ungodly amount of time with Grace and Leo last night, leaving there at something like three in the morning, the clouds letting loose with the rain, the wind howling fiercely as it stripped the trees of leaves and battered the small island.

Today the sky was a moody, stormy grey, clouds tumbling as the wind continues, the waves in the bay turbulent but these would be nothing compared to the waters past the cliffs.

“Torin!” I hear someone yell and glance to see one of the guys waving at me frantically, “It’s too rough!”

Ignoring the old man, I finish releasing the boat, keeping my legs steady beneath me so I don’t fall as the sea rocks the vessel. He continues calling my name, the urgency in which he does growing until the loud roar of the boat engine cuts him off, drowning out the noise. I could handle the bad weather, the storm and the raging seas and if not, I guess it was only fitting that the sea claim me like it should have five years ago.

I’d put my sim in an old phone when I got back to my house this morning, but I’d left it behind since Rett was constantly calling, likely worried I’d do something stupid like this.

I didn’t have the energy to deal with him.

I keep my eyes on the horizon, jolting as the boat slams into each large wave and the rain whips against my face, stinging where it touches.

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