Page 73 of These Rough Waters

I toss the contents in my hands into the water, watching them spiral down, down, down, until the waves swallow them, and can’t help but feel that this story is going to end in a similar way.

There’s only so much anyone can tread water before they succumb and with waters this rough, there was only one way it was going to end for the two of us.

Thirty-five

It’s only when I’ve settled a terrified Harper into my bed and helped her get back to sleep that I stumble to the bathroom, skin feeling cold and whole body still trembling some hours later after Torin had told us to barricade ourselves in the bedroom.

The sun was just cresting, and I knew I should be exhausted but sleep was never going to happen when I felt this wired.

I’m scared to look in the mirror as I fill the sink with hot water, the lavender scent of the soap I add to it wafting up with the steam. There was blood, on Torin, on his hands and his leg and I felt it as he touched my cheek. It smeared into my skin and has since dried and gone crusty there.

Was he injured? Did he get hurt?

And if he didn’t, whose blood was that?

I’d been fighting off flashbacks all night, fighting off the nightmares that would drag me deep down into the black pits of my past and I wasn’t sure how quickly I would get out of them. And I didn’t want Harper to see me like that.

I replay the night, the sounds of thuds and grunts, of cries of pain, followed by the sound of gunfire. I knew that sound well. I’d heard it so much in my previous life that the sound no longer made me jump or even flinch. It was as ordinary as the horns blaring in the morning rush hour traffic.

I grip the edges of the sink basin and let my eyes flick up to the mirror, seeing my ashen skin and sunken eyes, deep purple shadows lining beneath them. And the blood, it sweeps up beneath my cheek bone, disappearing into the fine hair at the edges of my scalp. A deep rusty color now it had dried and looking like a stain on my pale skin.

Not even my lips had color, even my eyes looked duller.

And I knew it to be exhaustion, but it was fear too. Fear that something terrible happened tonight and it was because of me.

Not directly, of course, I knew that and knew that if it was something to do with me it would be because my past has caught up with me.

I thought I would have had more time. If my ex has found me, I didn’t know how. I hadn’t given anyone my surname, hadn’t used my bank cards, or logged into any of my old accounts that could be traced. I’ve been invisible, not even this cabin is rented legally.

Enrolling Harper at the school was easy, such a small town with such a small school, they were incredibly lenient, though I think that had something to do with Imogen and Ruthie.

We were off the radar entirely here.

So maybe it wasn’t my ex. Maybe something else happened last night.

Speculation would only lead me down a road of destruction. I’d wait for Torin, I’d see what he had to say and then I’d decide on how much power I would be giving my ex back.

I’ve been scared what feels like my whole damn life, and finally I am happy.

Happyandfree.

Blowing out a breath through lips that looked like they’d been sucked dry of any blood, I splash the too hot water on my face before I grab the soap and scrub the blood from my skin, tinging the water in the basin a dirty kind of pink. I dry my face and use the toilet before I head back to the bedroom, feet silent on the wood flooring, the house barely lit by the growing daylight as the sun rises on the town of Ravenpeak Bay.

I’m just peering through the door, checking on Harper when there is a rap of knuckles on the front door. My spine stiffens as I turn slowly to look at it, as if whoever is on the other side will detect me if I move too quickly.

I’d stolen a gun when I ran, and I hadn’t gotten it out until last night. It was currently tucked into the back of my pants so carefully, I take it out, keeping it pointed to the floor as I move towards the door.

Another knock sounds but I don’t dare to even breathe, not knowing who it is. Torin said he’d make himself known and he wasn’t doing that right now.

Two quick knocks and I see the handle start to shake as the person tries it, finding it locked.

When silence then falls, my skin pebbles, awareness banishing the exhaustion that had weighed down my muscles and adrenaline forces me into fight and protect mode. My daughter was behind me, sleeping, she was defenseless, a child who didn’t deserve to be scared or hurt or threatened.

I make a vow to myself right here, as I creep through my darkened cabin, that if my ex or anyone of his men has found me and my daughter, I’d kill them.

I was done being the victim. Done being the defenseless little girl too afraid to fight back. I will not go back. I would rather die than go back. I also make a note to stop by and speak to Ruthie, she would understand, I know she would, and I’d have her make me a promise.

She didn’t owe me anything but if there was anyone I could trust with this, it would be the kind, wise old woman living in the lodge.

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