Page 12 of Sleepless Pact

“I...ah...I’m not sure.Are there types?”I think about it for a second and then blurt out my first thought.“Sweet?”It comes out like a question, and I have no idea why.

“Is that really what you want?”Phillip pulls me tightly into his side.

“I’m not sure,” I admit.

Could what he did to me this morning be considered sweet?He was possessive and needy when we were in bed.He was pushy, and I might even call it out of control compared to how he is most of the time.He took what he wanted, and perhaps that should bother me, but in the heat of the moment, it turned me on.I’m finding I enjoy it when he takes over.

It was so different from how he is now, and I’m not sure what to make of him.It’s confusing because I ran from a controlling life, but with Phillip, it’s different.He’s trying to please me at the same time, and although I’m not sure why, I don’t want him to stop.Any time I start to feel out of sorts, he pulls me back into him with his words and actions.He has a way of always calming me.There’s a softness to his eyes that I don’t see when he’s with anyone else.

Phillip’s hand comes up to cup my cheek, and I lean into his touch.

“What do you want?”

I want to say that I want him, but I can’t bring myself to voice the words.I’m still too shy.What game is this we’re playing and why?What could be his end goal?

“You’re my husband.Shouldn’t you know?”I toss at him, and of course he doesn’t back down.

“I just want to make sure I’m not missing something you need.”His hand slips up my jaw before his fingers sink into my hair.He tilts my head back, and it’s an order to bend to his will as I part my lips and his tongue slides inside.Without hesitation I give him what he asks for, and he kisses me like he needs me to breathe.

I do the same, kissing him back and tasting his tongue until my fingers grip his shirt and pull him closer.

My whole body lights up, and it doesn’t matter that I barely know this man.He stirs things so deep inside me I didn’t know they were there, and I never want it to stop.

“Is there something I can help you find?”I hear someone ask and then watch as the man taps Phillip on the shoulder.

Phillip pulls back from the kiss, and he’s irritated that we’ve been interrupted.Instead of waiting on Phillip to bite the store associate’s head off, I perk up.

“Romance,” I say to the man, smiling brightly.

Taking a glance at Phillip, I see he’s less than thrilled to stop kissing me, and I have to hide my smile.My “husband” is a powerful man.He doesn’t have to say that for everyone to know it, so it’s best to avoid a scene.

“Sorry.”The man becomes flustered as he looks between us.“That way.”He points, and I peek at Phillip again to see him giving the man a look that could kill.

“Come on,” I say and grab Phillip’s hand to pull him along.He doesn’t protest, and when we’re out of earshot of anyone else, I whisper to him, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”His fingers tighten with mine so that I can’t get away from his hold.

As much as I’ve enjoyed his sweetness, these darker moments speak to me too.There’s something about it that feels safe, but maybe I’m crazy.My mother tried to tell me there was something wrong with me because of my outbursts.

“Are you sure?”I ask again when we make it between two long bookcases, giving us a little bit of privacy.

“I don’t like to be touched,” he blurts out and then sighs heavily.

“Oh.”His words shock me.

That isn’t the Phillip I know at all.I try to pull my hand away from his, not wanting to upset him.Yikes.Did I push myself on him?Have I been reading him wrong all along?Probably.What do I know about reading people anyway?I could be as crazy as my mother.

“Not your touch.I’m talking about the woman from before.”

“Is that why you used me as a human shield?”I tease.When I heard her call out to him and saw how beautiful she was, I was jealous.Even though I had no right to be.

“Yes, and I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”There’s sweet Phillip again.

“Did you really not remember her name?”Was it so easy for him to forget people?

“It might make me an asshole, but I meet a lot of people.”

“She seemed to think she was more than that.”

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