Page 74 of Thoroughly Innocent Intent

“We’re talking about kids here, though. The only reason Sawyer isn’t totally screwed up is she’s got a great mom who made up for me. I could’ve done real damage, and until recently I didn’t even understand that.”

“Sawyer.” He frowns. “By chance is her mom Jen?”

“Yeah,” I drawl slowly. “How the hell do you know that?”

“Jen is my wife’s best friend.”

“Huh.” I rub the bridge of my nose. “I guess that means you know exactly how I’ve screwed up over the years.”

“Not really, no. But I do know Jen’s a great mom and Sawyer’s a great kid. And if Sam has the big heart Jen does, I’m guessing she’ll be a good partner when it comes to raising kids.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, if you do mess up, when you do, she’ll be there to help you get through it. And you can do the same for her.”

“I doubt she’ll make mistakes.” I twist my water bottle absently.

“Everyone does. If you can learn from them, you might get something incredible in return.”

I mull that over while I play with my water. I’ve always tried to learn from my screw ups, and like Chris said that’s led to some pretty cool things. My relationship with Sawyer is getting better, and I have Sam, both of which came from making an effort to have more balance in my life. But we’re talking about kids. Shouldn’t I be making no mistakes as opposed to learning from those I do make?

And sure, Sam would probably be great at picking up my slack if I screw up. Only I don’t want to be the guy that relies on someone else to fix his shortcomings. I’d rather not have shortcomings, and since I screwed up with Sawyer as recently as a few weeks ago, clearly I still do.

“Let me ask you this,” Chris interrupts my train of thought. “Are you willing to learn from your failures?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t think any woman would balk at having kids with a guy who thinks like that. That’s what makes a good dad. So you have no reason to let past errors stand in the way of what could be a great future.” Chris smiles and sips his beer.

“When you put it that way I don’t sound like the worst choice for a partner.” It’s hard to keep the shock out of my voice when I say that.

“That quality might make you one of the best.”

“Hey, just cause I get hit in the head for a living doesn’t mean I buy everything people try to sell me,” I chuckle, “but maybe I wouldn’t be a complete screw up the second time around.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t.” He clinks his bottle against mine.

I let myself look around the room again, taking in the happy families. They don’t depress me as much as they did a few minutes ago, because now I can picture me and Sam among them.

* * *

I toss the keys to the valet before making my way inside to the ballroom, where I stop dead in my tracks. The big empty box we toured a few months ago is full of dinner tables, each covered by a pristine white tablecloth and an ornate floral centerpiece. Waiters and waitresses are laying out the place settings and stocking the two bars in each of the back corners of the room. There’s a stage up front, slightly elevated but not towering over the tables below, with a podium and microphone placed in the center. I wonder if I’ll actually have to stand there to speak?

Movement to my left catches my eye, and I spot Sam arranging a bunch of little papers. She’s bent at the waist, her round little ass framed to perfection in a long red dress that hugs her curves without clinging to them. Classy.

I reach her as she straightens, and I wrap my arm around her waist to pull her to me.

“You look incredible.” I kiss her neck.

“Colt,” she hisses. “Not here.”

“I’m not going to keep my hands off my girlfriend.” I bite her earlobe playfully.

“But I’m working.” She squirms.

“Not giving in, Honey. Between your fundraisers and my Christmas road game I haven’t seen you in over a week. You don’t want an audience, you better find a door to close behind us.”

She shoots me a look that’s part intrigued and part exasperated before grabbing my hand and pulling me to the coatroom.

---