Page 39 of Thoroughly Innocent Intent

“I liked the touching,” I will my eyes to stay locked on his so he doesn’t question it.

“I liked it too.” He kisses me softly before stepping back and gripping the hem of my skirt to tug it down. “But you tempt me any more and I’m gonna lose my resolve to go slow.” He flashes a mischievous grin and tucks himself inside his pants. “Now come talk to me about work.” He lifts me off the counter and nudges me toward the living room.

“I thought you said no work tonight?” My voice sounds breathless even to my own ears.

“I did.” He sinks into the corner of the couch. “But I don’t want you to leave, and I shouldn’t touch you anymore, so you need to give me something to think about besides what else I want to do to you.” His voice is still thick with lust even after that encounter, which makes it hard to think about work, even for me.

“Um, okay, do you want me to talk about your foundation or just stuff I’m working on?” I lower myself to the couch, taking the opposite corner.

“Honey, after what we just did there’s no need to act like we’re strangers. Relax.” He pats the spot next to him.

“You said you shouldn’t touch me anymore.” I frown, confused.

“And I won’t, but that doesn’t mean you have to act like we’re at the office. Lean back, kick your feet up, whatever.”

I scoot closer, shifting slightly sideways to see him better, but when I try to talk about work, for the first time in my life nothing comes to mind.

Sensing my dilemma, as he so often seems to do, Colt laces his fingers with mine and gives my hand a gentle squeeze. “Tell me about the first charity you started. Or your favorite. Or the one you’re most passionate about, besides mine of course.” He winks. And with that little prompt the words spill out before I make the decision to speak them.

“There are so many, but none of them are really mine. Every time I try to pick something, I end up more confused about which is most important to me.” Colt’s face morphs from interested to confused as I ramble.

“What are you talking about, Beautiful?” He studies me thoughtfully.

I blink as my mind catches up with my mouth. “Mycharity.” I sigh.

“You have your own you want to start? Is that what you’re saying?” His voice is gentle. Patient. So much so that I keep talking.

“Yes. No. I mean, shouldn’t someone who builds charities for a living have one of her own? A cause that’s important to her as opposed to the causes that are important to her clients?” The familiar tension that accompanies this topic sets in, and I rub my temples to relieve it.

“And you don’t have a cause that’s important to you?” He prompts when I stay silent.

“I do. Dozens of them. But none that I feel passionate enough about to lead the charge.” I close my eyes and exhale, too embarrassed to watch for his reaction.

“That’s what’s got you tripped up?” He sounds amused, and I snap my eyes open to see the laughter in his.

“That’s funny to you?” I clip, my cheeks heating from anger.

“Not funny. Endearing.” He gazes at me appreciatively.

“I have no idea what you…”

“First off, you’re passionate about your work, so even if the charities you’ve built aren’t ‘yours,’” he makes little air quotes with his fingers, “you can be damn sure your passion has made them what they are today. And second.” He tips my chin up so I’m forced to look at him, “Think about how much more you do by sharing that passion with the people around you.”

“I…what?” I frown, watching his expression for some clue to his meaning.

“That’s why I’m here.” He brushes his finger over my chin. “Seeing you get all excited about the ideas for my project got me excited about them. How many other people can say the same? How many other causes exist because of the energy you bring to them? You can’t focus that spark on one thing cause it’s too big. You gotta spread that shit around so everyone benefits.”

Once again, the depth of Colt’s perception renders me briefly speechless. I’ve always prided myself on being a hard worker, but I never saw myself as the soul behind my projects. In my mind it was always my clients, their passion, that drove me to succeed.What if Colt’s right? What if I’m the spark?

That’s probably the highest compliment anyone could give me, and typically I’d object to it, because I don’t like the spotlight. Yet somehow his words make sense. They explain why I haven’t been able to find my own passion project, but in a way that makes me feel validated. It brings tears to my eyes.

“You don’t think it makes me a hypocrite to be the charity expert who doesn’t have her own charity?” I blink the tears back, hoping he doesn’t notice them. But he seems to notice everything.

Colt swipes the tear before it can fall. “I think the fact that you’ve worked on so many gives you credibility. And I think if or when it’s time to form one of your own, you won’t have to think so hard on it because it’ll feel right, not forced.”

Delaney has said something similar about credibility, but she approached it from a practical angle, and Colt’s speaking from an emotional one. Somehow that makes more sense to me. It makes me feel like my lack of passion for my own venture is because I’m so passionate about all of them. Could it be as simple as that?

“How can you be so sure I don’t? How can you see what I can’t?”

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