Page 81 of The Mistletoe Switch

"I can handle it. Or you could choose me and say no to a few of those other commitments." She sounds so sad and hopeful and I wish, more than anything in the world, I could be the man she wants. Unfortunately, a relationship would only go one of two ways for us. Either she's looking at me as a consolation prize because she's desperate or my busy schedule will make me a terrible boyfriend. Either way, this ends in heartbreak for one or both of us.

"I'm sorry. It's been fun, but I need to focus on my commitments and on my business now."

"It's been fun?" she spits out. Her eyes are glassy and I feel like the biggest asshole, but I'm actually helping her. She's the one who said she wants a loveless marriage to protect her heart. I'm protecting both our hearts.

Not that it feels that way. It feels like my heart is splitting in two.

"I'm sorry if I ever gave you the idea it was more than that for me. I hope we can still be friends." I'll do anything not to see her cry.

She shakes her head. "I used to think you were the most honest person I ever met, but you're a liar and a coward. I'm in love with you, Xavier. I'm standing here, heart in hand, more vulnerable than I've ever been in my life and you're hiding behind obligations you've brought on yourself."

"Whatever you feel for me isn't love. It's lust and great sex. You and I want different things. It's better if we confront our incompatibilities now than later when we're both more invested."

"I'm already invested, you asshole. I'm in love with you." She presses the hand of her good arm to her chest like it hurts. "But I won't try to manipulate you or force you into anything. Goodbye, Xavier."

She walks out of my office. I watch her go, trying my damnedest to convince myself I did the right thing.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Cherry

My chest aches, but I'm not crying. I need to hold it together, get through the afternoon at Josephine's with a cheery, festive attitude, and I can fall apart when I'm back at my rental condo.

I park Josephine's work truck behind the barn and get out. I can do this. My shoulder hurts, my heart is shattered into a million pieces, and my throat is so tight with unshed tears I can barely breathe, but I can do this.

I just need to think about cheerful things. Like puppies and rainbows and butterflies. Like snowflakes and smiling kids and flying reindeer.

Determined, I march around the barn and go inside in search of Josephine. I haven't eaten, but I don't have an appetite, anyway.

My eyes adjust to the dimly lit barn and I must be hallucinating because there's a sexy elf and an even sexier Mrs. Claus patting Juniper AKA Comet's nose.

I blink hard, but they don't go away.

"Peach? Blue?"

The women turn and cheer. They rush me and wrap their arms tight around me.

I burst into tears.

"Oh, no." Peach rubs my back. "You hate surprises. We should have told you we were coming." She rubs my back and doesn't let go of me. "I'm so sorry."

"Surprises are Cherry's love language." Blue hugs me tighter. "Something happened to her. Who do we have to kill? Please say RJ. I've already got a solid plan to get rid of him. Say the word, Cherry, and it's done."

Now I'm laughing and crying at the same time. My cousins are too ridiculous for words.

"It's not RJ. It's that idiot, Xavier, isn't it?" Josephine asks.

"He's not an idiot." My laughter and tears garble my words.

"He is if he turned you down." Josephine plants her feet wide and crosses her arms over her chest. "I've seen the way he looks at you. If he's telling you he's not interested, it's because he's gotten all up in his head about it and convinced himself of some ass backward rationalized lie that means the two of you won't work."

I lift my head and blink away tears to see Josephine. "He doesn't love me. He doesn't want me."

"He does." She pops her hands on her hips and glares daggers. "But it doesn't mean anything if he's too chickenshit to act on it. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

My cousins release me and take their places on either side of me. "What do you mean?" I ask.

Josephine faces me like a coach, staring down her star player. "You going to mope around over some guy who's too stupid to see how lucky he is to have your love? Or are you going to get back to work and help me make this farm a success?"

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