Page 67 of Wicked Knight 2

I winced at my own name, and the memories of all the times I wanted to kill Luca Gallo because I was jealous, because no matter how long he’d been gone, Donata was still in love with him. Could I ever be that man again? The only man she ever loved. Before she left, she’d said she loved me. Was that true? Had Donata fallen in love with Maxim too? For many nights, I convinced myself she had.

“There’s only one thing I can do.” I braced my forearms on my thighs. “I need to return to the compound.”

“Is that wise?”

“I don’t know.” I stared at the fireplace until all the details were just a blur, background noise to all the thoughts swirling around in my head. “I don’t know who I am anymore. Donata’s Luca died in that car accident a year ago. All that’s left is this. And it isn’t enough. It’s why she left.”

“I would let her answer that for herself.” Alfred released a breath. “You can’t speak for her.”

“Then let her speak.” I opened my arms. “Where is she? She’s gone, Alfred.”

“She’s home. That’s different.”

“Different.” I chuckled. “Why do I get the feeling we used to do this a lot?”

“Because when it comes to Donata, your common sense goes out the window. That hasn’t changed.” He shook his head. “I used to think that all you needed was a good whack in the head to start thinking straight. I was wrong.”

“I refuse to live the rest of my life without her.”

“Then come home.” He clicked his teeth. “Stay.”

“I can’t.” I had doubts about everything except this one thing—I had to see Papa. I had to return to the compound and find the last piece of this maddening puzzle. Otherwise, I would never have peace. “I have to figure out what the Brotherhood is to me. I can’t just walk away.”

“If that’s your wish.” He shrugged. “Would you like me to stay or—?”

“I need you here, old friend.” I squeezed his shoulder. “I should go.”

“I’ll walk you out.” He stood and I did the same. When we reached the vestibule, he stepped in front of me and opened the door. “I hope to see you soon, Luca.”

“Thanks for everything.”

On the drive back to the compound, Alfred’s stories bounced around in my head. If I had given Donata the chance to speak her piece, would she had stayed? Probably not. Because even though I knew who I truly was now, I still couldn’t be the man she wanted me to be. I still felt more at home at the compound than in a swanky Upper West Side brownstone.

What came next? I supposed only Papa could answer that question. He had a whole future laid out for me. Was that real? Or was that yet another way to beat me into submission, to get me to play the role of the favorite son.

I thought of all the times he repeated over and over that we were family, that our revenge against the Italians was the most important thing, how my mother suffered and died because of them. Why the lies? Looking back, he did treat me like I was his own blood. Nothing made sense.

As soon as I pulled into the back parking lot of the compound, Ivan rushed across the lawn. “Where the hell did you go? You’ve been gone all day.”

“I needed to clear my head.” I strode past him.

“Well, that’s great. But Papa has been looking for you. He’s pissed. He thought you went into the lion’s den just to get some pussy.” He talked fast, the way he always did whenever he was scared. “You need to let her go. You had your fun. Now she has to go home, knowing she was yours. Who would want her now?”

I stopped in my tracks, doubled back, then slammed him against the wall. “Don’t you ever speak like that about my wife. Do you understand?”

“Yeah. It was a joke.”

“She’s off-limits.”

“Okay. Got it.” He released a breath. “So where were you?”

“I need to speak to Papa.” I covered the length of the corridor and the courtyard in record time. This conversation couldn’t wait any longer.

When I reached the library door, I stopped to consider my words, what I wanted to say to Papa. And then it hit me, the stories about my mother, and my time in Moscow, Papa didn’t start them. He hadn’t done this alone.

“Jesus Christ.” I scanned the living room. When Ivan appeared in my line of sight, I grabbed him by the collar. “On second thought, you and I need to talk first.”

“We’re talking.”

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