Page 31 of War on Christmas

12 days until Christmas…

Thad:Ican’tbelieveI’m asking you this, but…has Freya seduced you yet?

Me: You bet your ass she has. best pussy Ive ever had. Ever. Tastes like cotton candy and tight like a bamboo finger trap. Forget ping pong balls..your sister could shoot marbles out of that cooch bro

That’s how far I get reading the text exchange between Thad and Freya—onmyphone—before blowing a mouthful of Lucky Charms across my mom’s kitchen table. I haven’t eaten Lucky Charms since I got serious about working out in college, but my mom had been so proud to show me that she remembered my favorite breakfast cereal that I didn’t have the heart to tell her I don’t eat it anymore. So, I’ve been starting off my day with an amusement-park-level sugar buzz and adding an extra mile to my run to work it off. I might also be trying to run off an unhealthy dose of sexual frustration, but…best not to think about that.

My mom, who’s sitting across from me eating a piece of whole wheat toast—like an adult—looks up from her folded newspaper to stare at me. She’s in a matching pj’s set and wrapped in a gray quilted bathrobe, looking like a magazine version of a mom.

“Is…everything all right?”

I shake my head, staring in horror at my phone.

Thad: Jesus, Frey.

Thad: NOT COOL.

Thad: Seriously. WTF is WRONG with you????? My new memoir title is going to be TWIN TO A PSYCHOPATH.

Thad: And you made Sam shoot red wine out of her nose.

Thad: She says you owe her a new white sweater now.

When Freya suggested burning my phone, I hadn’t taken her seriously. Upon closer inspection, however…it probablyismy best option. I’ll have to change my number, too. Would witness protection take me on for something like this? Because a whole new life doesn’t sound half bad at the moment, and if I were Thad, I would definitely kill me.

To be fair, Thad immediately knew it was Freya who sent that message. So, I’m probably safe.

I take an extra-big gulp of coffee and scrub my hand over my face. Then I screenshot Thad’s response to Freya and text it to her.

Me: Still thinking about that kiss last night. Also…what broke you?

Dots immediately appear on my screen, and despite how horrified I am, I catch myself smiling in anticipation. Because Freya might be terrifying, but she’s never boring.

“Did something happen?” Mom asks, setting down the newspaper to give me her full attention.

“Um…” I’m distracted, one eye on my phone. How could I begin to describe the wonderful, weird, erotic, embarrassing events of last night? To my mother of all people? “Freya.” I finally say. “Freya happened.”

“Ah.” She tries to hide her smile with a bite of toast, but I still see it. A flash of dimple and an amused glint in her brown eyes. She’s still pretty, beautiful even, when she smiles like that. “I’ve always liked her.”

“Yeah,” I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “Me, too.”

Mom laughs then, a quiet chuckle that has me doing a double take. There’s an easiness to it. Like maybe she’s starting to relax around me. A little bit.

“You did spend most of high school prancing around like a peacock trying to get her attention.” Mom sips her coffee. It’s not the most flattering picture of high-school-era me, but I can’t be offended because it’s absolutely true. “The calls I’d get from school about you two…” She shakes her head. “Every morning you’d go out for your run like you had the devil chasing after you. And every morning, I’d stand in the kitchen and watchherwatching you out her bedroom window. Giving you all sorts of attention when you weren’t looking.”

I grin and settle back into my chair, suddenly enjoying this story. “Oh, really? Do tell.”

Her smile turns soft. “Maybe you should askher.”

On cue, my phone dings, and my mom nods at it, silent permission to check my messages.

Sunshine: Kiss? What kiss? Ah, that’s right. I’d forgotten.

I snort, scraping a hand down my jaw. The poor, unlucky fools she must have eviscerated with that attitude of hers.

Me: Guess I’ll have to remind you then. Plans tonight? Helping out my mom around the house today.

Sunshine: I’m free. Helping B at the shop since she’s hungover af, but I’m up for something low-key later.

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