Page 36 of If Only You Knew

While I’m shaking my hips side to side, Ellie looks up and I see fire in her eyes. I am about to look behind me, but I feel hands on my hips, and I go still. I remove the hands off my hips and turn, ready to cuss this guy out for touching a woman without her permission, but what I get staring back at me are those beautiful green eyes. My heart begins to speed up in excitement. I immediately throw my arms around his neck and pull his face to mine to kiss him. Feeling his warmth under my hands, I realize how much I missed him around me these last few weeks.

When I pull away, I feel the air around me crackle, but not in a turned-on way. Shane is looking behind me, and I realize why the energy is so charged—Ellie is furiously standing there. I look back toward her and I think there’s smoke coming out of her ears. I reach for her, trying to comfort her before she claws Shane’s eyes out. She takes a few deep breaths and finally addresses Shane.

“Look who decided to finally be a part of Becca’s life again. How convenient, after all, she did it all without you, didn’t she? Never mind the fact you never returned to be with Beau. He could have used a friend by his side when he was fighting for his life.” Oh, she’s so mad, but I see the sadness in her stare-down as well.

Tears start to pool in her eyes, but she shakes her head, probably hoping she can get the tears to go backward. I know these emotions come from a place of sadness, not hate. Shane’s leaving left all of us wounded and confused. When he said goodbye to me years ago, he apparently had stopped by Beau’s house and said his own version of goodbye to him. From there he left town, never to return. Where he went and what happened next is a part of the story I hope to learn soon. But for right now, I don’t know how to diffuse this situation. Shane puts his hands up, like he wants peace and not to start a fight.

“I know I’ve done a lot of things wrong, Ellie, and for that, I will always be sorry. But I’m here now, and my love for Becca never wavered. You have to understand I was young and dumb, and I had no idea what I was doing. I made the wrong choices, and I know each day I live will always hold that pain, but I hope that each step forward from now on will be ones we can smile and look back on as happier times for us all.”

Something in what he says seems to relax Ellie. She surprises me with what she says next, as she has been fiercely loyal to me as a friend.

“I suppose life is too short to hold grudges. But you better not fuck up this time, Shane. Losing Beau has shown me that life is precious and should be lived to the fullest. What you did in the past was wrong. But the way you show up now will hopefully soften the blow. Because what you did, in many ways, is unforgivable. But my love for Becca goes beyond myself, and I will try to remember that as we move forward as friends.” With that, she pats him on the cheek.

Shane is speechless, as am I.

She turns toward me. “This old lady needs some water. I have not danced like that in quite some time. I’ll head to the bar and grab something. Do you want anything?”

I simply shake my head, still stunned by her words from earlier. My bestie has come a long way. She’s always had a heart of gold, but she can get angry, something Beau had brought out in her a few times, and I remember wishing him luck and walking away. He always knew how to calm her down, and his love for her was always beyond anything imaginable. Now she keeps that fiery side tamed for the most part, but there are things that ignite it. Shane is one of those subjects, apparently.

I watch her retreat to the bar and speak to the bartender. I bring my focus back toward Shane, his eyes still trained on Ellie. I think his heart still holds a lot of feelings regarding how things went down on graduation day, and he’s having a hard time navigating the slew of emotions coming to the surface. Soon our gazes return to one another, and he kisses me, softly.

“Hi, baby. I thought I’d surprise you and come home early.”

My smile widens and I can’t help but reach up and wrap my arms around him again and begin swaying to the music. I nuzzle my face in his neck when he bends down a bit, lifting my legs off the ground. I love him so much, and the fact I have him back feels like all my wishes coming true at the same moment in time.

We dance to a few more songs, and I keep my gaze shifting toward the bar. Ellie was waiting on her water at one point when this mountain of a man approached her. Whatever he said to her made her smile. She sips her water and keeps chatting with him. He’s tall, taller than Shane by at least a few inches, and has dirty blond hair, with scruff on his face. From here, he resembles the main character fromSons of Anarchy. Something about him looks familiar beyond the comparison to the actor, but I can’t place it.

My attention is back to Shane, and we dance to a handful more songs. My heart is full as I belt out the lyrics to “Today Was a Good Day” by Ice Cube. It’s like I’m transported to 1996, sitting in Shane’s car, windows down, Nebraska summer breeze flowing through the car, while I sang my heart out to this very song. I can close my eyes and smell the leather in his car. I can almost feel the warmth of the sun across my skin. And I can even feel Shane’s hand squeezing my thigh while he drove us through our small town.

I open my eyes and it feels like Shane has been transported to that very memory, his gaze holding so much more in his eyes than they did before. We sway together, both singing the lyrics together.

Once the song ends, I can’t help but ask, “Since when did Mr. Alternative Rock learn the words to nineties hip-hop?” Shane gives me a reserved smile.

“Yeah, after we parted ways as teens, I sort of made mixtapes, that eventually graduated to mixed CDs, of all your favorite songs. I would listen to them any chance I got as a way to feel closer to you.” Damn it, my eyes are sweating again!

I internally roll my eyes at myself and kiss Shane. “You know my heart never stopped loving you, Shane Philips. And it never will.”

He kisses me again and we take each other in. I have no clue how long we stay on that dance floor together, but I feel a tap on my shoulder at some point and look back at Ellie, who looks slightly flushed, asking for us to leave. We gather our things and begin to leave the bar. She is walking fast, slightly agitated, and I follow her lead, knowing something has pushed her to get out of there fast.

Once we’re outside and begin walking in the direction of our houses, Shane’s hand holding mine, I finally get a chance to ask, “What happened in there? Are you all right?”

Ellie is taking a few deep breaths and before she can answer, Shane begins his line of questions, “Did someone hurt you, Ellie? Do I need to go back there?”

Ellie’s eyes go wide and she starts shaking her head side to side.

“Oh my gosh, no. Everything is fine. Just needed to leave. I hope I didn’t ruin the night for you two.”

Now that we are walking, I can feel the aching in my feet.

“No, absolutely not. I think my feet are thanking you because I need these boots off.”

Shane squeezes my hand, probably coming up with ideas of other items that need to come off. My heart begins to beat faster, a renewed energy going through my veins at the thoughts of his hands on my body. Just thinking of how we will make up for lost time since he’s been gone has my heart racing because my personal toy was not living up to the real thing.

“Okay, good. I really appreciate you going out with me, especially as it’s your night off and all. I hope you two had fun dancing though.”

She’s being a little strange, and I’ll have to dive a little deeper into this later. She looks at me, telling me with her expression she’s fine and that she'll explain later. We arrive at my house first, but Shane and I insist on walking her to her door. She doesn't get a chance to fight, and we simply keep walking past my house. Once we say our goodbyes and we see she’s inside safely, we make our way back to my home.

ChapterTwenty-One

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