Page 31 of Five Gold Rings

I stop for a moment to take that in. It explains the big textbook I stubbed my toe on in his bedroom. There is so much to piece together about this man that I had no idea about. I think I always just knew him as Joe who I saw once or twice a week. The one in the shop who had about three different jobs, one of which sounded like he hung out with Magic Mike a lot. I applauded his industry, but I never questioned the whys or the very busy nature of his life.

‘How did I not know this? Why are you still not a medical student?’ I enquire.

He stops for a moment and shrugs his shoulders. ‘Life just got in the way.’

‘Oh.’ I wonder whether to delve into that cryptic answer without sounding like I’m prying. Was it the money? The politics? Was it just not for him? But these are not questions to ask in a Mini when he’s just hurled in and around the Thames. ‘Can I also say I was very impressed by how clean your bathroom was for two men living together?’ He looks strangely relieved by the compliment. Good swerve, Eve. I put my make-up brushes back in their bag and notice Joe filling his face with Pringles. I forgot we also stocked up on supplies last night – everything from tinned cocktails to Malteser reindeer. It would seem we will spend the majority of this day in Olive the green Mini, with snacks, having car picnics, laughing. Amidst the alternative realities out there, for the while, I don’t mind this at all. ‘You seem better now,’ I mention.

‘I am on land now. As long as this next wedding isn’t on the river then I am good. ‘Can I ask a weird question…? Can you smell me?’ he asks me.

‘Why?’

‘I’m paranoid now. I can’t go into this next event smelling of vom.’

‘Come here,’ I tell him. He sits forward in the back seat and I lean over, putting my cheek next to his chest. I inhale deeply. ‘You smell great.’ I flinch as I say that. I mean, he does. There’s certainly no hint of river sick but there’s a hint of scent and whatever shower gel he uses peeking through. He sits back in surprise and watches me curiously. I don’t know if there was another way of saying that. You smell non-vomity? You smell like a normal man?

‘And what about me? Has the river completely fucked my make-up and hair?’ I say, trying to smooth down my hair.

‘It’s just missing’ – Joe says, passing me my comedy ears – ‘these.’

I giggle and put them on.

‘Shall we?’ he asks me. ‘This next wedding should be far more straightforward.’

‘Let’s… Do you have the rings?’

He pats his tuxedo pocket and smiles at me. I’m glad he’s here. I should tell him that. I should. But I don’t.

Joe

‘I will be back for Christmas, I promise.’

‘Technically, Joe, it’s Christmas already,’ my eldest sister, Carrie, explains to me down the phone just in case I was unaware of the arrangements of the festive calendar.

‘I’ve just got a lot to do today. I’ll drive down some time on Christmas Day.’

‘So vague. We’ve made a bed for you.’

‘Meaning you’ve pumped up the air bed in the study… Who am I sharing with?’

‘Holly’s boys. It won’t be the same if we all wake up and you’re not here,’ she pleads. ‘What about gifts?’

‘We can open them when I get there…’

‘The kids will be feral by then. Mum made you a stocking.’

‘Carrie, I’m twenty-seven. I think I’ll be alright not waking up and racing down the stairs to see if Santa’s been.’

‘Stop being difficult,’ she warns me. ‘We never miss Christmas.’

‘Shut up. You missed Christmas that year when you got drunk and fell asleep and ended up on the wrong train to Kent.’

‘Don’t be a tool. I will literally eat all the parsnips so you won’t have any…’

‘You wouldn’t…’

‘Watch me…’

There is a silence, and I can hear her cackling on the phone.

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