Page 92 of Sex Ed

‘I’ve heard sus things about her, too,’ adds Jerome. ‘I know someone from her last school and apparently she was sleeping with the deputy head. He was married with three kids, and it all went to shit. His wife came into a school assembly and there were absolute scenes, I tell you. She was in her dressing gown. You can see the videos on TikTok. That was why they moved her on,’ he announces to the small crowd of teens around us.

As it’s Jerome, there may be some elements of exaggeration in this tale, but the story still raises my hackles, especially as I know she’s also been with bloody Tommy from P.E.

‘Jerome,’ I say, trying to calm down his hearsay.

‘It’s true, Miss. And apparently, she conned him out of a load of money, too. He had to re-mortgage his house.’

‘I’ve seen that video,’ Olivia tells us. ‘That was Miss Bell? Really?’

A selection of the kids gather round, like bees around the gossip pot, nodding and adding their input.She’s a right moody one, she once gave me a detention for breathing.No one seems to be a fan of Miss Bell, which secretly makes me very happy but does make me worry slightly for the one person I know who likes her very much. There’s a panic that sits in my bones to think that if any of this is true then she will definitely take advantage of Ed. She already is taking advantage of Ed. And I feel pangs of guilt that despite everything, I’ve not handled this well at all. I should tell Ed. I can’t have her stamp all over Ed’s good heart for a minute longer.

‘Prove it.’ I shouldn’t have said that. That was not a professional move, but I guess neither is waiting by a tree in my sunnies, stuffing kids full of sugar.

‘We’ve just been in an exam, Miss. We don’t have our phones.’

I dig around in my tote for my phone and open up TikTok, hoping they don’t see that my algorithms mainly bring up videos of people making their cats dance and make-up tutorials. I let Olivia put words into the search bar and lo and behold, a video comes up of a lady in a dressing gown giving someone on stage merry hell. On the one hand, I wish there was such drama at our school assemblies, but I can tell from the blazers that it’s definitely St Quentin’s on the other side of town.

‘See, that woman sat there, that’s Miss Bell,’ Jerome tells me.

‘That could be anyone, someone needs a better camera on their iPhone,’ I say, squinting.

‘She’s wearing an Alice band,’ Olivia tells me.

‘Lots of people are wearing those these days,’ I lie, still squinting. If she is being shamed in front of the whole school, then she’s unfeasibly calm about it all. Maybe she’s a sociopath. Maybe my poor Ed is with a sociopath. I think about the money element. Ed has savings and a nice flat. If she takes that then all he will have left is Nigel and hisStar Warsmemorabilia.

‘So did you really lamp her?’ Jerome asks, his eyes lit up at the thought, mimicking a boxer’s right hook.

‘Altercation, Jerome…’

‘That means you hit her, you are the GOAT, Miss,’ he says, grabbing my hand and trying to get me to engage in some sort of gangsta handshake.

I don’t deny it this time. I feel someone pat me on the back to congratulate me.

‘Is it true she’s also shagging Mr Wood from P.E.?’ a voice interjects.

As soon as I hear this, my heart fractures a little. I’m not the only person who knows. I doubt Beth would have spread it around the staffroom like tattle, but I can only think Caitlin’s not been subtle with how she’s flaunted herself around this school. If the kids know then Ed will find out soon enough in the most hurtful of ways. At least it won’t be via TikTok though, as he has no idea what that is.

‘I wouldn’t know. Look, you lot do me a favour and get home, get on your Biology revision and do Mr Rogers proud tomorrow. If you have questions for next week’s exams, then tell Miss Callaghan and she’ll drop me an email. Yeah?’

‘Sure. Are you all right, Miss?’ Olivia asks me, noticing my expression has changed.

‘Yeah.’

I’ve done this all wrong, but I can’t tell these kids, can I? I should have told Ed from the moment I found out, but I failed him. I should have put any of my own feelings aside and at least been a good friend. I should tell him now.

ED

If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I take on other people’s stress and this happens the most during exam period. I can put on half a stone because I worry about those kids. I worry about their revision notes, whether they will study the right topics, whether they’ve had breakfast or enough sleep. Tomorrow, I’ll stand outside that exam room with pens, in a phenomenon known as pen panic, where I bulk buy black biros and just give them out like sweets. Take extras, kids. You may have forgotten to cram the parts of a respiratory system but at least you will have ink.

‘Hey,’ I say, as my neighbour opens his front door.

‘Hi. You’re the man from the flat upstairs. Sorry, I’ve forgotten your name. I forget my own most days.’

‘Ed. You are Nick and Mia,’ I say, pointing at the baby who at least finds my face mildly amusing. ‘So, I went a bit mental with my baking and I just wanted to drop this round. They’re apple and cinnamon crumble muffins, no nuts.’ I hand over the cardboard box in my hands where I’ve carefully listed out the ingredients. He looks at me strangely. Neighbours don’t do this anymore, do they? The only thing we should be sharing is each other’s Wi-Fi and knowledge of bin days. I hope he doesn’t think I’m weird. ‘I just… I can hear Mia has been up a lot and I saw your wife the other day by the mailboxes and it looked like she was asleep standing up, so I thought…’

I’m not hugely prepared for this man’s reaction as he stands there and starts crying. Baby Mia looks up at him.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. ‘I’m so tired and this is really fucking nice. Is this your job? Do you own a bakery?’

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