Page 81 of Sex Ed

‘That’s just Mia. It’s what she does.’

‘What did she say when she came round?’ she asks.

I swallow hard, grateful Caitlin didn’t hear any of our conversation that night. I’ve been trying to work out what Mia was trying to get at. Was this thing with Caitlin going too fast? Perhaps. She’d only been at the school for a mere couple of months and I’d only just started my foray into all things sex. But I think I was also right to tell Mia it was important that I started to take the lead with these things, to act from my gut, to chuck any plans in the bin.

‘She was just on the scrounge for food.’ I feel my eye twitch as I say that. The car suddenly goes very quiet. Something is wrong here. Do I put the radio on? Maybe she’s heard that Mia gave me sex lessons. I knew that might come out in the wash. Oh God, please don’t let it be that.

‘Well, you know… I can see you were being a good friend to her but sometimes I think she takes advantage of you.’

‘I don’t think she does,’ I say, trying to defend Mia. If only she knew the ways she’s helped me in the last month.

‘You’re just so different, too. You’re so good at what you do. They don’t suspend people for no good reason. Sometimes you don’t need people’s bad energy in your life like that… I’m not sure she’s good for you. I certainly don’t understand her.’

I keep my eye on the road, thinking through her words. I’ve never questioned my friendship with Mia. It’s always worked, there’s never been that imbalance where I feel I don’t want her there. She’s quietly featured like some piece of quirky furniture that just belongs in the room.

‘I just think if we’re going out then I don’t like the idea of her being in our orbit,’ Caitlin continues.

There is a lot to dissect there. We are going out? Is that an official thing? Did she really just say that? I think she did, but it seems to be contingent on Mia being in my life. To hear her say that out loud feels unnatural, and there’s a barbed tone to her voice that I’ve not heard before.

‘Are you asking me to choose?’ I ask her, tentatively.

She shrugs nonchalantly and I keep both hands on the steering wheel trying to figure out what she means. I’m a rookie in all of this – not just the sex, but relationships and women. My history of misunderstanding them and their intention is the stuff of legend. What I say now is crucial, isn’t it? I don’t want to give up on Mia, but I feel all that hope in my chest for what this could be with Caitlin and I want to keep it there. I want this to work out. Obviously, I say none of this out loud though. I don’t know how.

‘So, I can make a green curry, if you like?’ I suggest, hoping talk of Thai food may help.

‘Sounds gorgeous,’ she says, putting a hand to mine on the gearstick. I turn to glance at her as my car pulls up to a traffic light.

‘Weren’t you wearing a hairband this morning?’ I ask her.

‘Oh yeah, it snapped. Silly thing,’ she replies.

I smile.

EIGHTEEN

MIA

‘Hi, you don’t know me. Are you Rachel?’ Beth asks at my sister’s front door, while I half hide behind her borg coat.

‘Yes, I am. Mia?’ she says as I obviously haven’t hidden myself very well. Beth turns to look at me, shrugging her shoulders, as if asking how we should tell my sister I’ve just been suspended from my job. Beth did offer to bring me back to hers, but I didn’t want to burden her, and I thought Rachel would have more expensive alcohol hiding away for me to drink anyway. I step ahead of my dear work colleague.

‘I’ve been suspended from my job.’ Rachel grits her teeth in horror. ‘I hit someone.’

‘You hit a child? For God’s sake, Mia!’

She ushers us both into the house, looking around in a panic in case her posh neighbours heard that.

‘I hit a teacher.’

As she shuts the door behind us Rachel looks at Beth, her head cocked to one side.

‘No, I’d never hit Beth. Beth is awesome. And why would she be here if I’d hit her?’

‘Well, you better come through and explain yourself then. Beth, it’s lovely to meet you.’

‘Where are the kids?’ I say, arching my head around the doorframes, hoping they’re there to act as a distraction.

‘They’re with Gareth.’ I glance at Beth who widens her eyes as she realises that Rachel is that sister. The one she put in touch with a lawyer. It’s been an eventful fortnight. Rachel and Gareth told the kids, they’ve orchestrated their separation, he’s renting a flat nearby. It’s been dramatic, new and all her emotion can be read in the lines on her forehead. ‘Tea?’