Page 57 of Sex Ed

‘Well, it can go in either. Depending if that’s what you’re into?’

He nods and writes something down in a notebook.

‘You’re making notes?’Goes in either bumhole.

He ignores me. ‘And do you take it in turns? Is that… hygienic?’ he enquires.

‘Well, even I would wash it between persons.’ I study it. ‘Metal is a strange choice. I’d have started with something rubber, a bit more pliable. Have you not experimented with these things? I know you’ve not had much experience but even if you’re on your own, you’ve tried stuff out, right?’

He looks blankly at me. It’s not a hard question, Ed.

‘Well, no. I just have a wank. I’ve never explored beyond that. I have started watching more porn though, just to clarify matters. You know, as part of my education.’

He goes to his phone and starts scrolling through some pages, referencing the notebook in front of him. He must be the only person on the planet who watches porn with a notebook and a pen. He is keen, so keen to please and it’s a little endearing.

‘So, this video…’ He shows me his phone and on screen is a lady with brown 80s bouffant hair and very shiny boobs being taken from behind and seeming very animated about the position she finds herself in. ‘The shiny thing in her butt is… a butt plug?’

I nod, distracted by the sounds that the woman is making, which would surely upset the neighbours. He writes something down. I have students like this at school who write down everything you say. I wonder if he’s going to whip out some highlighters soon. ‘Not all girls are into that though. Permission first, always. And this sort of position can be good but get the good angles. Reach around, play with her clit, her boobs, a light tug of the hair… and don’t go too shallow or…’

‘It won’t feel as good?’ he enquires.

‘Well, then you’re just thrusting air up there, and the air has to come out somehow.’

Ed’s eyes shift side to side as if he’s trying to work out the physics of how that will work. Where does the air come out? Not out of her nostrils, that’s for sure.

‘That is a thing…?’ he asks, looking concerned.

‘Well, yeah – funnily enough, it’s not featured a lot in those sex scenes you see on TV or in movies. There are… noises. I usually laugh it off, pretend you didn’t hear it…’

Ed is still writing notes. I wonder what he’s going to do with them. Is he making revision cards? Does he sit here at night, studying sex and all its different intricacies? I commend this commitment to wanting to get it right. Is it wrong to feel pride at this moment? Such a good student. If I had to write him a report, he’d be getting lovely comments about his work ethic from me at least.

‘Right, next on my list…’

‘There’s a list?’ I ask.

‘G-spot… Where is it? Can you help me find it?’

I stop to look at him. ‘Yes. But I’m going to need a shitload of coffee first. Service in this place sucks.’

He laughs and nods.

ED

So, this morning may not have been an actual emergency but the kiss last night with Caitlin was a big moment. It was perfect. I can either capitalise on that or do what I always do and back away in fear and self-loathing. So I called Mia because she is the oracle in all of these matters and her tactics have worked well so far, but also because she was the first and only person I thought to tell this morning. I’m not sure why.

‘So, the rabbit ears bit stimulates the clit while the main bit of the vibrator goes inside you…’

I like how both of us are lying on my bed in our underwear, our arms propping ourselves up, putting together sex toys like we’re making very sexy Lego.

‘Did you get batteries?’ she asks me.

Oh no. I pull a face.

‘Ed!’ she says, shocked. ‘You’re normally so prepared. Take them out of that remote control,’ she instructs me. I do as I’m told and she inserts them in the vibrator and it starts to buzz in her hand. Her eyes light up in a way I’ve not seen before.

‘So this bit is the remote; you can control the strength and speed of the buzzing. The buzzing is what will help you because you hold this near her clit while you’re inside her and her world will implode.’

‘So don’t put it in her?’

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