Page 101 of Sex Ed

‘Can I ask why you were suspended? Ed alluded to something to do with admin. You can tell me to mind my own business if you don’t want to talk about it?’ she says, leaning forward, putting a hand to my knee.

‘It was a bad behaviour thing.’

‘Oh. Well, you know what they say about well-behaved women, they rarely make history.’

‘True.’ I laugh as she says that but suddenly, I also think about what she may know or not know about Ed. Do I give out details? I slapped down the bitch who broke your son’s heart. That should give me plenty of good points in your book. However, by that same measure I also messed up plenty with him. I guess if she knew the half of it then she wouldn’t be so civil with me. ‘Have you seen Ed recently? Is he OK?’ I ask her.

‘Oh, you know what it’s like around this time. Exams, prom… He’s got sports day today. I won’t see much of him until the summer holidays start.’

She doesn’t know. I don’t know whether to tell her because I don’t want Ed to have no one in this process and have to go through this on his own. However, I get the feeling that if I spill here and now then Ed will never forgive me.

She processes what I’ve just asked her, frowning. ‘You haven’t seen Ed? I thought you two were friends. Is he spending all his time with Caitlin these days?’ she enquires.

She really doesn’t know. I can’t tell her.

‘Is she nice, this Caitlin girl? I can’t wait to meet her.’ Bite your tongue, Mia Johnson. ‘He’s just been on his own for so long. He deserves a bit of happiness.’

I feel the emotion swell in me as she says that because she’s right but he’s not quite there. I don’t think he’s very happy at all. I say nothing, I just smile. I’m here to learn a jaunty tune, is all.

‘Hi! I’m Rachel,’ my sister says, intervening, holding on to two ukuleles. ‘I got you a black one to match the colour of your heart,’ she tells me, still seemingly unimpressed that she’s here. Either that or Donna read her some of her porn.

‘Lovely to meet you. I’m Adele.’

‘Adele is Ed’s mum,’ I inform her.

Rachel runs through a gamut of facial expressions at this point. Ed? Chinos Ed? Who you think you’re in love with? Is this coincidence? Or is this a set-up? But the look she finally lands on in three short seconds is one of condolence. ‘I’m sorry to hear what happened there.’ I glare over at Rachel, shaking my head subtly. ‘He seems like a nice guy.’

Ed’s mum looks back at me, intensely worried. ‘What? Is Ed alright? Don’t frighten me, Mia!’

I close my eyes. ‘The thing with Caitlin ended. They’re not together.’

Her shoulders slump to hear it and I feel the weight of her disappointment.

‘Oh, don’t worry, Mia gave her a good slapping,’ Rachel adds.

Ed’s mum looks back at me again. ‘Really?’

‘What was that about well-behaved women?’ I try to joke. ‘But she wasn’t as nice as Ed thought she was. I’m sorry you have to hear that from us.’

‘Oh, Eddie. Is he OK? I never like to bother him about his love life, but I do worry. There’s a twenty-four-carat heart in there. He’s a good person.’

My face freezes to hear her say this as I know exactly what she means. I feel awful that it’s taken me this long to realise that much. Adele looks into space for a moment to register how she will deal with the information just given to her.

‘Do you want to know something funny? When Ed told me he was going out with someone, I immediately thought it was you.’

Rachel looks down to the floor grinning when she says that.

‘He always talks about you. I thought he had a little crush and one day he’d realise how much he really cared about you, but hey… Maybe it’s just meant to be someone else. Not this awful Caitlin girl, at least.’ I silently blush as she says it. ‘Thank you for always being there for Ed, for sticking up for my boy. Thank you for everything you’ve taught him.’

Christ, does she know about that? I bloody well hope not. Rachel knows though and when I glance at her, her nostrils are flared large like black holes which could suck the air out of this place. Don’t you dare.

‘Do you want to go for some tea after this? I think we should chat,’ I say to Adele.

‘I’d love that,’ she says nodding, tuning up her ukulele. ‘You can tell me everything.’

‘I’ll try.’

There’s a sudden clap from the front of the room and Donna hits a high Mariah Carey style note to get our attention. ‘So, everyone, welcome. I’m Donna. If you are new today, we’re going to go slowly especially for that new mingebag at the back.’

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