Page 83 of Sex Ed

‘Caitlin was already there…’

‘So you bottled it?’ Beth asks.

‘Or,’ Rachel adds, ‘seeing her there with him made you a little sad. Am I allowed to use the word jealous?’

Beth looks surprised as the words come out of Rachel’s mouth, suggesting she was thinking that much too. Normally, I would protest such words. Jealous? I don’t get jealous. How absolutely ridiculous. But instead, I sit there quietly and sip my wine.

‘PLUS, MIA’S BEEN SLEEPING WITH ED!’ Beth blurts out.

I glare at her while Rachel struggles to keep on her stool. ‘Aha! I knew it! I knew when he came round that there was something going on. The plot thickens then. You have a crush on him.’

‘Don’t use the word, “crush” – it’s very teenager,’ I say.

‘Then a case of the love bugs?’ she jests, sounding all at once like my mum.

‘Shush. Yes, we had a friends with benefits thing going which was fun and maybe I’m a little sad that it is coming to an end…’

‘She was sex-training him,’ Beth explains.

Rachel raises her eyebrows at me. ‘He just hadn’t had that much sex before and had questions, so I ran him through some stuff.’

‘For the love of Christ, was this a paid arrangement?’ Rachel asks.

‘Of course it wasn’t!’ I shriek.

From Rachel’s expression, it seems she still doesn’t quite understand what she’s been told and what happened there, but hell, neither did I. It was a drunken admission of virginity on my bathroom floor that led to sex that led me to seeing Ed in a whole different light. In a light which makes me think I care about him in more ways now. Like I want to lie next to him for a bit longer, have him scratch my back forever and eat lunch with him every day. I realise I am very quiet as I go through these realisations in my own head.

‘So, through these sex lessons, you think you may have fallen for him?’ Beth asks. ‘You told me he irons his own pants, and you didn’t see that as part of your future.’

‘Well, maybe I need someone to iron my pants for me…’

‘I knew it.’ Beth beams. ‘It’s a staff wedding. We can hire out the gym for your reception.’

‘Yeah, never happening,’ I joke.

‘I still think he needs to know though. About Caitlin. Even if it’s an anonymous letter or something?’ Beth adds.

I shrug my shoulders sadly.

‘Or at least tell him how you feel. She’s been on the scene for a month. You and Ed have history, proper friendship there. Maybe he’ll realise what he’s wanted the whole time has been there, right in front of him,’ Beth explains, trying to squeeze some romanticism out of the situation. The same Beth who teachesRomeo & Julietas a love story whereas I teach it as a tragic tale of the futility of grudges and crap parenting.

I shake my head, laughing, watching Rachel as she studies my face, taking long sips of her wine.

‘But Mia, why wouldn’t you?’ she asks.

‘Because for the past five years, Ed and I have made a joke over how terrible we would be as a couple. We are polar opposites. I dance in public, he does not. He organises his mugs by colour, any mugs I’ve ever owned, I’ve stolen. I go out, he stays in. I am late for everything, he is half an hour early. It’s a recipe for…’

‘Chaos,’ Rachel says, smirking.

‘I just don’t think he feels the same way,’ I say glumly, resting my chin in my hands. ‘This whole time, it’s been about how much he likes Caitlin.’

‘Who’s a queen bitch! So take her down and then move into that space,’ Beth says.

‘And what if he doesn’t want that? Then I’ll have lost one of my very best mates. I don’t want that to happen,’ I say.

We all sip our wine together, mulling over that fact. I can see it now. I could run to Ed’s house through warm early summer showers. It would be the perfect time to make a romcom admission of love. To say, Ed, you bloody idiot. I think I’ve fallen for you. Don’t ask me how or when but for some inexplicable reason, I’d like us to be together. I’ll fight Caitlin now over you. I’d snap all her Alice bands. Be with me. Let’s take the bus into work forever. Let’s fall in love.

But I can see him standing there, looking embarrassed and pitying me. Or maybe he’d laugh. He’d say, I don’t think it would work, Mia. We’re just too different. You haven’t even watched half theStar Warsfilms and you eat like a small wild pony. I don’t think there’s anything there. I don’t feel the same way.

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