Page 67 of Sex Ed

‘Is she OK? I thought you didn’t get on with your sisters,’ he reminds me, watching my hurried reactions closely.

‘I don’t. But she’s a mess. Imagine what a mess you have to be to come to me for help and advice,’ I say, trying to downplay the moment. ‘Sorry to leave you in the lurch.’

I say the lurch, but he has a wealth of information at his fingertips there. I should just leave him some bookmarks perhaps of what to avoid.

‘Do you need any help?’ he asks me, moving the laptop to one side and sitting up to see me gathering my belongings.

I look up at his face and there’s kindness in his eyes, a look that defines him really. I shake my head. ‘It’s babysitting. You’ve spent the whole week with kids that aren’t yours, I will respectfully spare you this.’

‘I don’t mind. I’ve not met your family. Could be interesting…’ he says, looking more animated about the prospect than he should.

‘OK then,’ I say. ‘Close that laptop though so Nigel doesn’t go blind.’

‘You’re in a suit…’ I tell Rachel as she opens the door to her four-bedroomed Surrey townhouse. I never quite understand Rachel’s house. It’s always very clean, like no one lives here. It’s mostly jacquard cushions, ornamental birds and posh radiator covers which make me wonder where she dries her bras.

‘Too much? It is a solicitor, I felt I needed to go formal,’ she says, eyeing Ed standing behind me. I realise I haven’t introduced him.

‘Oh, this is Ed. He’s a work colleague who’s come to be nosy,’ I say.

Ed shifts me a look. ‘Hi, I can also be helpful. Nice to meet you. Rachel, is it?’

‘Yes…’ she says, taking his hand. ‘Well, thank you for coming, too.’

‘AUNTY MIA!’ voices thunder from the top of the stairs and Florence and Felix run down and into my arms.

‘So, kiddos, I’ll only be about an hour at the dentist. Aunty Mia and Ed will make you lunch. Be good.’

‘Why are you in a suit?’ Felix asks.

‘It’s a posh dentist,’ I reply unconvincingly.

Rachel leaves and the kids both stand there staring at Ed.

‘Don’t stare at Ed, you’ll make him cry,’ I tell them.

‘Are you Mia’s boyfriend?’ Florence asks, her eyes wide open.

I laugh, a little too loudly. ‘No, this is Ed, my friend. He works at my school. Ed, this is Florence and Felix, my niece and nephew.’

‘It’s good to meet you,’ he replies, his hand outstretched for handshakes.

‘Why are you here?’ Felix asks, sidling up next to him, trying to sniff out sugar.

‘Because he’s very good at computer games. Be nice to him, please,’ I tell them.

‘Do you play Minecraft?’ Felix asks.

‘Yes, I do.’ Even I glance at him in surprise at this point, but he seems to have instantly won these two over by saying that out loud.

‘How about we have some lunch and then build something?’ he says. ‘You go set it up and Aunty Mia and I will come and find you.’ They jump and cheer like he’s just won them the World Cup and I won’t lie, I’m slightly peeved at how quickly they’ve warmed to him. ‘Kitchen?’ he asks me.

I lead him through, the kids dispersing into another room, and I watch as he heads for the fridge, surveying the contents. He takes out some cheddar, ham, bread and butter.

‘Your sister is a bit posh. She’s not like you,’ he chuckles.

‘Rude. I am very posh actually.’

He spies some family photos on the windowsill, an old pic of my sisters and mum, and I try to dodge the inevitable questions by retrieving him a frying pan.

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