Page 37 of Sex Ed

‘Oh, I wasn’t on the blag for some help. I can get it done but…’

‘I’m not even joking. When Beth in my department had a new baby and bought a house, Ed went round and offered to build the beds,’ I tell her.

‘I do enjoy flatpack. This is both sad and true,’ Ed says, looking at the floor in despair as he holds up an Allen key that he keeps on his keyring, just in case there’s a flatpack emergency. Caitlin spies it curiously.

‘And we’re a team in this staffroom, we help each other out,’ I add.

‘Well, if you’re free and sure?’ Caitlin says, turning to him. ‘It’s just some bookcases and drawers.’

Ed’s face reads shock at this moment. This girl has agreed to have him in her flat. Will he know what to do with himself? ‘I’m free… if you do need my help? If you’d rather not, then that’s also fine. You don’t have to listen to this one. I rarely do,’ he discloses nervously.

‘I could do with some help, but I don’t have any food in. I don’t know how I’d repay you.’

Ed starts to blush, heavily. Please, Ed.

‘It’s 2-4-1 at Domino’s. He’s a fan of the New Yorker.’

‘Seriously? Me, too…’ she mutters, surprised. ‘Well, let me organise myself and you’re welcome to come over and help a girl out. You sure you don’t want to join, Mia?’ she asks me.

‘Oh, I’m shit at flatpack. I’d get in the way,’ I say, knowing my place. Plus, a threesome is far too much of a jump for my novice friend here.

‘OK then. I took the bus in.’

‘I have my car,’ Ed replies. ‘I can drive us.’

Look at my wonderful plan falling into place.

‘OK then, let me get my stuff. Give me ten?’

Ed smiles and nods as she heads over to the other side of the staffroom. I feel a sharp elbow to my ribs.

‘How are you like this? You’re embarrassing, like a matchmaking mother,’ he whispers sternly.

‘Ed, I just got you a date with a girl you like. The words you need are “thank you”…’ I reply.

‘It’s not a date. It’s flatpack assembly,’ he argues.

‘Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t organise a more romantic soirée for you.’

He stops for a moment and his cheeks flush as if he’s remembering that we had sex two days ago. Almost like the image of it popped into his head. I don’t know how to respond, so clench my teeth and smile at him.

‘Why are you smiling at me like that?’ he asks.

‘Because you’re being weird. Please don’t be weird. We said it wouldn’t be weird,’ I plead with him. ‘Stop avoiding me around school.’

‘I’m not avoiding you.’

‘You are…’

‘Do you think people know?’ he whispers again, turning into me.

‘That we’ve had sex or that you’re not a virgin anymore?’ His elbow goes back into my ribs. ‘Ed, the only person who may know is Nigel.’

‘The bloke who works in the canteen?’

‘Your cat, and unless he’s learnt how to speak or text then our secret is safe.’

I put my arms around him to hug him, to remove any sense of awkwardness and remind him nothing’s changed. He’s still my Ed and he’s still my best mate. I’ll never say that out loud though.

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