Page 30 of Lost Times

Besides, while he’d been showing a more ‘human’ side lately, I’d also seen the ice-cold one, and I didn’t want that angled at me.

How would it even work with us only a few desks away at the office? I sincerely doubted he’d be open with affection or want anyone to know-.

Why was I even considering this?

Shaking all of it to the side, I forced my hand into my lap despite the waves of disappointment working through me. From the corner of my eye, I caught Ludwig’s confused and hesitant gaze.

After a beat, he shifted a tiny bit closer and left his hand between us, eyes not once leaving mine. There was an entire unsaid conversation happening now, and I looked down at his hand, my willpower faltering already.

I wanted to take it, it’d be a lie to even pretend otherwise, but what would happen after?

There were too many potential consequences that could disrupt more than just my life here…

Right?

The more I thought about my reasons fornottaking it, the less sure I felt, and when he looked away, disappointment curling through those ocean-blue eyes, guilt pinched my chest.

I’d been the first to lean in back there, I was giving him mixed messages and it wasn’t okay. No matter how much I didn’t want to talk about this, we needed to.

Before he could pull his hand away, I took it, ignoring the little voice that shouted at the back of my mind that this was a bad idea.

It wasn’t. I wasn’t promising anything by holding his hand. I just…didn’t want to see that look on his face anymore. After the movie, we’d talk about what almost happened and get it cleared up. This was just comfort and enjoying someone’s touch.

I was allowed to do that, and friends did it all the time.

Keeping that in mind, I focused solely on the movie, not letting myself think about the man at my side until the credits rolled. When I glanced down to find Jasmine solidly crashed out in a pile of stuffed animals–not an uncommon thing after a movie–I finally turned to him.

The same unspoken questions floated behind his eyes, and I sighed, nodding to my room. “We need to talk.”

He grimaced, whether from my word choice or the exhausted tone I delivered them in, I wasn’t sure. Still, he followed without complaint. Once we were safely tucked away, I started.

“I’m sorry about earlier, I don’t know what came over me, and it was wrong to invade your space like that.”

He blinked, surprise cleaving through that impenetrable mask of his, before it disappeared and he shook his head. “You say that as if I didn’t lean in too. If Jasmine hadn’t walked in…” He trailed off, choosing his words carefully. “What would you have done?”

My mouth went dry, and I flicked a glance down to his lips. He wet them, his tongue sliding out and snapping up my attention. Swallowing hard around the new lump in my throat, I answered.

“You already know the answer to that, and it can’t happen.”

His frown intensified. “Why can’t it?”

He couldn’t be serious?

Examining his face, I nearly groaned when I realized he was. Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I answered. “Because weworktogether, you’re my boss. That never ends well, and what happens later down the line if we break up? We won’t be able to avoid each other thanks to Jasmine, and it could ruin everything we have now.”

It all seemed obvious to me, but he shook his head, countering. “Work is work, and so far we’ve managed to keep things professional. I doubt it’ll be that much harder if we change our dynamic a bit. As for the latter, we’re both adults. If things don’t work out, we can go back to this. It may be awkward to start, but not unmanageable.”

His stare was heavy, all but boring into me, and my stomach knotted in response. He wanted this. It was painfully clear in his eyes that he did.

And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, but doubts still gnawed away at my stomach. Trying to buy time for me to think it all through, I asked. “Why do you suddenly want this? You weren’t interested in a relationship back when we first met, you said as much yourself. ‘It takes too much time to keep going.’” I quoted his exact words back to him from years ago and he shut his eyes, heaving a quiet sigh.

“I did say that, and back then I thought I didn’t need or want anything more. I had my work, and that’s all I needed, but things are different now.” Here he hesitated before visibly shaking himself and finishing. “After years of going home to an empty bed and having nothing but work to keep me company, I’m tired of it.”

He glanced back at me. “You both make me feel things I never have before. You remind me that there’s more to life outside of my office, like fresh air, parks, and ice cream. I want more of that.”

Coming from him, that was major, but what do I do with that?

Biting my lip, I asked. “You still have your insane workload. I would never fault you for it, work is work, after all, but relationships take time, you weren’t wrong on that. I’m not the sort to demand your every minute, but I would like some time with you where I could actually be withyou. Not my boss,you.”

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