Page 96 of Feels Like Forever

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” He pauses again. “And, Liv, you never haveanyreason to be embarrassed in front of me. Not aboutanything, not even things like this. Okay? You can come to me with anything. You can be exactly who you are with me. You cantrustme.”

The soft intensity of his voice has me whimpering, “Okay. I—I know. I do. I trust you.”

He sighs. “Good.”

As hesitantly as last weekend at the park, he touches my hair—but even more boldly than then, he slides all of his fingers into it until he’s cradling the back of my head.

The fearful part of me objects, but so much of me needs this sweet steadiness from him that I hug him even more fiercely, not wanting him to stop touching me.

Before I know it, I have a hand up the back of his hair, too, and I’m confessing, “I’ve needed thisall day. I tried to calm myself down and I couldn’t, and I knew it was because I needed to talk to you, but I felt too stupid and scared to call you.”

His fingertips rub soothingly at my scalp for a few moments.

Then he speaks again. “Yeah, I got about thirty minutes of sleep after I went back home, and then I spent my day worrying about you but being too nervous to call. I didn’t want to do anything that might make you feel worse somehow.”

“I wouldn’t have called my crazy ass either.” I sniffle.

He tightens his arm around my waist for a long second. “You aren’t crazy.”

My throat aches as I admit, “I feel like I am. When I have these nightmares and I’m—and I’mforcedto remember things and I can’t stop it, I wake up feeling like I don’t have a handle on myself. I feel like I have no control, just…” a new swell of hot tears fills my eyes, “…just like…then.”

The breath he draws is slow and uneven. His fingers spread out through my hair again as he curls his arm around my head to hold me even more securely. His exhale is slow and uneven, too.

Several quiet moments pass, giving me the impression that he doesn’t know what to say.

Honestly, it’s okay. I don’t want to spring all of this on him any more than I already have. God knows I’m sick of thinking about it today anyway.

Thinly, I ask, “Can I tell you about it another time?”

I feel him nod. “Whenever you want to. Get it out of the way or take your time—I don’t mind.”

I nod, too.

We stand in our hug for another small stretch of silence.

Then I remember something he said a few minutes ago, when we were still on the phone. “I don’t want to cancel our plans for tomorrow.”

“Man, I’m glad you said that,” he groans. “I don’t want to either.” He lets out a little laugh.

I can’t help doing the same as I uncurl my arms from his neck so I can close them around his middle instead. I miss touching his hair, but this feels nice in another way.

Judging by the quiet hum he breathes out, I think he might agree.

Just as I’m about to mention the hug Rae told me to send him over the phone, the door opens behind me and I hear her gasp. “Landon!”

He says, “Hi, Rae!”

I can tell he’s happy to see her, but he loosens his hold on mesoslowly, like stepping away from me is the last thing he wants to do. Even when he opens an arm for the hug she dances over to get, he still has the other around me. It’s the one that was cradling my head to his chest—it’s around my shoulders now.

“What’s going on, kiddo? How are you?”

“I’m great! We’re going to watch a movie! Do you want to watch it with us?”

Oh, God, yes. Please come sit with us. I haven’t seen you for long enough yet.

“It’s notTheFox and the Hound,is it?” he asks on a chuckle.

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