Page 94 of Feels Like Forever

“Calm down,” I whisper to my reflection.

I don’t, of course.

But I don’t dwell on it. I just turn my thoughts to Rae’s mustard mess and open the bathroom door.

*

In the kitchen, I’ve mopped the floor, cleaned out the fridge and freezer, thoroughly scrubbed the counters, done the dishes, organized the pantry and small spice cabinet, and wiped out the microwave and oven.

In the living room, I’ve dusted, vacuumed the floor and the furniture andbeneaththe furniture, and alphabetized our movie collection.

In the bathroom, I’ve cleaned the tub, toilet, and sink, dusted every item in sight, mopped the floor, and organized the space under the sink.

In my bedroom, I’ve dusted, vacuumed, washed my sheets and clothes, and straightened up my closet.

In Rae’s room, I’ve dusted, washed her bedding and dirty clothes, taught her how to wash her pink princess pajamas at her request, organized her toys and closet with her help, and vacuumed.

Now it’s dinnertime and I’m staring at the ingredients I’ve pulled out.

But I’m not thinking about them. I’m thinking about Landon.

I still haven’t heard from him.

I stillwantto hear from him, because I’m still not calm.

The clock tells me he’s not off work just yet, so I use that as one more thing to keep me from trying to talk to him.

I grab the bag of bread, open it, and extract enough to make grilled cheese sandwiches for Rae and me.

Maybe I should start planning out what I’m going to say when the time comes?

Probably should.

I don’t, though.

I make dinner and serve dinner and eat dinner and get Rae into pajamas and getmeinto pajamas and set her to the task of picking out a movie, and I still don’t know what I’m going to—

My phone rings on the coffee table and seizes my attention.

I look at it from my place on the couch, fists clenching as I read the name on the screen.

He’s calling me.

“Who is it?” Rae asks from across the room.

I swallow hard, look at her, and can’t help saying weakly, “It’s Landon.”

She whips around, face lighting up. “Really?”

I nod, wondering howIcan be lit up on the inside and also full of terrible nervousness.

“Don’t you want to talk to him?” she asks, her happy voice now tinged with confusion.

It sounds like the voice in my head that’s asking why I’m not picking up the phone after how I’ve needed him all day.

I nod at Rae again.

The ringing stops.

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