Page 85 of Feels Like Forever

I mean, again, of course I do—in a way—like, if some things had been different when we met—

“Ugh, Bill,” I groan. “Why’d you have to bring any of this up? Now I’m all fucking—” I wave my hands around my head. “Ugh!I’m going in circles now, damn it. She’s awesome, but I don’t want her, but of course I do because who the hell wouldn’t, but I don’t want to date anybody, but if Ididwant to, I’d pick her, but she doesn’t—”

“Whoa, yeah, whoa,” he interrupts with lifted hands and placating eyes. “I’m sorry, Landon. I should’ve kept my mouth shut.”

Sure should have.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, sincerity clear in his voice. “Just…I care about you, man. You’re like family, so I want you to be happy and I can see this girl makes you happy. But, I don’t know, the only woman who brightensmeup is my wife, so I guess that’s where my mind went when you mentioned sharing the job news with Liv. Shannon is the first person I go to with everything, so…” he sighs, “...forgive me, man. I jumped straight from your experiences to mine.”

He seems to have said the right thing, because I’m coming down from the annoyance pretty quickly.

“Thank you,” I say. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. My fault. We good?”

I nod, and I mean it. “Yeah, we’re good.” After a second, I joke, “Still offering me the job?”

He chuckles. “Definitely. Still want it?”

I tip a smile at him, already going back to that excitement. “Definitely.”

However, maybe I won’t tell Liv about it for a couple of days, until I’ve given Bill the thought-out acceptance he wants…even though every time I think about it, my fingers itch to text her.

On one hand, I think I’m being stupid and should just tell her if I want to.

On the other hand, maybe these fingers need to exercise some restraint when it comes to her.

That quiet, sharp voice from earlier whispers,Maybe they don’t. She sure didn’t seem to think so when you touched her, since she didn’t slap your hand away.

I roll my eyes at myself and slurp up what’s left of my iced coffee.

Bill suddenly remembers he’s been sent new pictures of his newborn nephew. I’ve heard all about the out-of-state trip the Kinleys went on for his birth, and I’ve seen all the pictures they took along the way. He and Shannon talk about the baby quite often, so I’m both interested in and relieved by this fresh distraction from my thoughts.

It clears my head more than I expect. At the end of the picture update (which is cute, although I think the whole fruit basket photoshoot is weird), I find myself thinking about Liv and feeling calm, not conflicted.

I decide to text her about the job offer after all.

I don’t let myself question anything, don’t mention to Bill what I’m doing. I just quickly type out the good news and send it.

And I don’t regret it for a moment—not even when my mood soars higher with her reply about how thrilled and proud of me she is.

Because it really doesn’t matterwhyshe makes me so happy. It only matters that she does.

*

The next couple of days are pretty uneventful.

Nothing new is going on with Lolly except she’s back to not saying my name. I don’t like that, obviously, because I don’t want her to forget any bit of who I am. At least she’s still pleased to see me when I visit, though; God knows every time I walk into her room, I worry I’m walking into another scenario from hell. I’m still working on getting over that ordeal.

Things in the McKellar household are less pleasant, or so I hear. I haven’t seen the girls since Sunday, but I’ve been talking to Liv daily, so I know Rae hasn’t had fun with her injuries. That big one on her leg has been painful, as has the one on her palm, and some of the smaller ones are already in the itchy stage of the healing process and she’s not allowed to scratch them. She’s had to miss school, which means Liv has had to miss work. I’ve offered to help in a few ways—bring them food, run errands, stuff like that—but Liv hasn’t taken me up on any of it. She’s adamant that my help with the initial incident is already more than she can repay me for.

I don’t know why she thinks she has to make it up to me. I wouldn’t go back and skip out on any of it even if I could. It wasn’tfun,but…I don’t know…I was just really okay with being there. Didn’t feel awkward or anything, even at the hospital when Rae was getting stitches.

Actually, therewasone thing Liv asked for my help with. On Monday, when I called to check on the kid, she asked how I felt about being listed as Rae’s second emergency contact.

It was an astonishing question, but not in a bad way; it meant a lot to me that she deemed me worthy of such a responsibility. It did take me a little bit to decide—I adore Rae, but being an emergency contact for someoneisa big responsibility, especially if that someone is a kid. And, as Liv very seriously pointed out, Rae isn’tmykid and I don’t have to do anything I’m even slightly uncomfortable with, no matter how much I care about her.

Truthfully, part of me was unsure about it. About whether or not it’s smart to make myself available to help with any number of crises involving a child, especially because I’d only be contacted if Liv was out of commission. That means I could potentially be the only person to look after Rae, so yeah, part of me wasn’t confident about all that.

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