Page 9 of Feels Like Forever

I nod at myself and say aloud, “Yeah, Liv. Snap out of it. He’s just some guy.”

And I do snap out of it.

Landon gets out of my head.

I still fail to fall asleep, though. Tired as I am, I try and try and try for an eternity with no success.

When my clock ticks to 12:46, I finally feel the peacefulness of approaching slumber. I sigh and shift to a more comfortable position in hopes of dozing off quickly. I need rest badly.

But not a minute passes before a fearful cry starts winding up from Rae’s room. It’s the kind of cry that accompanies a serious nightmare.

I groan and slither out of bed. I can’t ignore her.

Iwould neverignore her, for any reason.

Or for any person.

Not even for myself.

|| 2 || Landon

“You are fucking kidding me,” Amanda deadpans as she stares at me.

I shake my head. “I’m not. We’re done.”

I flinch at how shockingly loudly she trills, “You arefuckingkidding me, Landon! And fuck you, because it’s notfunny!”

After my ears stop ringing—God, it’s too early in the day for her to be screaming—I reply evenly, “No, you know what’s not funny? You cheating on me.”

“You just told me you kissed some other girl last night! That’s cheating, too, moron!”

I lift my shoulders and say sincerely, “Okay, you’re right, it is. And like I said, I’m really sorry about it. It was wrong and I regret it.”

“Yeah, so where do you get off dumping me like this? Like I’m the only one who fucked around?”

I wait for her to realize what exactly she just said, but it doesn’t happen. She’s just waiting for me to answer her.

So I remind her, “Youarethe only one who fucked around.”

Scoffing, she tosses her curled brown hair. “Excuse me?”

“That kiss I told you about was a five-second-long mistake that was impulsive and born of me simply being happy I wasn’t dead. It was more of a knee-jerk reaction than anything.You,on the other hand,had sexwith another guy for an entire weekend.And when I found out about it—not from you and certainly not right after it happened—you weren’t sorry about it at all. You just brushed it off and fed me a stupid line about some deep connection—”

“And how,” she interrupts, sneering, “isyourexcuse not just some stupid line?‘I was about to die, but someone saved me and they happened to be a girl, so I kissed her because I was oh-so-thankful!”

Exasperated, I hold my hands up. “My self-control slipped, but it didn’t slip for two straight days in the form of me sleeping with another girl with total disregard to you. Plus, I sincerely apologized to both you and her. Butyoudon’t think you slipped up at all. You’re so used to getting what you want that you think it’s perfectly sane and acceptable to shack up with whoever you feel attracted to. To hell with your boyfriend, right?”

She rolls her eyes, the make-up around which is as dark as they are—and as dark as her soul, apparently.

More words spill out of me as I cross my arms. “And, yeah, I’m thankful to be alive. I’m not really sure how that could sound dumb to you, but I don’t care. It’s easy to forget how short life can be, and I was reminded of it last night, and now I’m breaking up with you because you don’t make me happy. I don’t like that you won’t work because I’m the man and you think I’m supposed to support you and every stupid, wasteful habit you have—and then I’m not allowed occasional drinks at the bar with my friends.” My jaw tightens with the memory of her most recent act of self-interest. “The other day, you said you didn’t know where my pain pills were, but then I caught you selling them when I came home early from work. I didn’t like that either.”

I glance at the healing gash on my left hand, which I got from a broken glass at work a little over a week ago. I had stitches from then until just yesterday.

As I look at her again, I raise my eyebrows. “If I’m being honest, I don’t know why it took me so long to get to this point. I have to believe you’ve got good qualities, but where are they? Why’d you have to act on your attraction to that guy? Why’d you care more about a little money than me being in pain? Why can’t you cook or clean without me begging for it, since you don’t have any sort of job?”

I clench my good fist as I think about one of my biggest problems with her.

“And why have I been with you for two years and gone around your family a hundred times, but you never even want tolistento me talk about my grandma’s condition? You know she and my grandpa took me in when I was a baby. You know how much she matters to me, especially since she’s the only family I have left anymore. And now she’slosinghermindand you couldn’t care less about it. You always tune me out or make up excuses so you don’t have to think about what I go see with my own two eyesevery day.”

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