Page 151 of Feels Like Forever

I don’t get on to her, though. I just say, “Yay! Let’s eat this cereal and then get ready!”

I try not to think too much about this being Sunday—whatshouldbe a Super Fun Sunday with Landon. If things with the two of us hadn’t gotten all derailed, he’d undoubtedly be tagging along on this shopping trip.

It’s just as well that he isn’t here, though, because Rae announces, “Don’t invite Landon! I want my dress to be a big surprise!”

“Sure thing,” I chuckle.

As we eat breakfast, I recall how he looked at me yesterday and how Rae said he really misses us, wants to go back to being around us.

Us.

Herandme.

And I wonder…

…if there’s a single chance…

…that I somehowhaven’truined everything.

|| 18 || Landon

Waiting was so hard.

Sohard.

There were times I didn’t think I could wait any longer for Liv to reach out to me—I pulled up her phone number and our text messages so many times, paused in front of her door so many times. But I never went through with pushing communication. I was afraid of upsetting her even further…and, well, I had already done my part. I had apologized and given my thoughts on the dance. The ball was in her court.

And then there her name was on the screen of my phone, asking me to come visit Rae.

Every long minute I’d slogged through up to then faded a little in my mind.

And then I saw Liv for the first time in two entire weeks, saw that she really had been having as hard a time as I had.

So faded my worry that I’d never again find her relieved to see me.

It cheered me up even more to spend a few minutes with Rae. We didn’t do a whole lot of talking about what had happened, but we solidified our dance plan, and I said I’ve missed her and Liv very much, said I’ve been wishing I could come back to them. She felt the same way and said they’d done a lot of crying.

I didn’t exactly like the last part, of course, but it gave me hope that maybe I really haven’t seen the end of them.

And that hope has not stopped growing, because Liv…Liv is back to talking to me.

It’s not quite like it was—we haven’t seen each other again and we haven’t spoken on the phone—fuck, I miss the sound of her voice. I haven’t heard it inthree weeksnow.But she sent me a text the day after I came over: they’d found Rae’s dance dress and, per the kid’s orders, I’m not allowed to know anything about it except that, as far as matching goes, either a black or white button-down shirt will be good for me to wear.

The next morning, Liv texted her hope that my visits with Lolly were going all right. They weren’t and I told her as much, but I also said I’d be okay. Didn’t actually feel okay about it at the time, but I thought trying to deal with it on my own would be healthy. I didn’t want to tell her too much and accidentally guilt her into interacting with me more than she was ready for.

The following few days brought more messages. Among them were mutual wishes for a happy Thanksgiving, and I tried not to dwell on our shared love of pumpkin pie as I spent lunch with a polite but absent Lolly.

And Friday…Friday brought a phone call from Rae that I thought was from Liv at first—I answered nervously, and then I was outright worried when Rae greeted me in a whisper. I thought something was wrong, but it turned out she was just sneaking a call while her aunt was in the shower.

“I wanted to tell you Annie said she cares about you a whole, whole lot,” she’d whispered. “And she’s not mad at you and she really, really doesn’t want you to stay away from us.”

My heart took off on a far more delighted sprint than just moments before.

“She said that?” I’d asked in my own whisper, for some reason. “When?”

“Before we went to get my dress. I only thought about telling you yesterday, but I only got to use the phone right now. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, that’s okay! I’m glad you told me at all!”

---