Page 38 of All Of My Firsts

“Um, both?”

“Fuck me, Nora. Happy early Valentine’s Day to you!”

I nod, then wince before picking up my fork and aggressively stabbing my chicken salad. “Also…”

Zoey waits on bated breath for me to continue.

“This isn’t the first time this has happened. We… may have slept together at the end of last year, too.”

“You fucked him already?!” Zoey shrieks to a level only dogs can hear, turning all the attention to me.Great.

“Zoey, Sshhhhh,” I hiss as I glance around. Lowering my voice, I begin, “Now I don’t know what the hell to do. I mean, we’ll see each other because of Jess and Liam, but now it’s weird because we have no rules or boundaries.” I take a breath. “And apparently, I cannot control myself around him, and that isnota good thing.” I shove some chicken and tomatoes into my mouth, stress eating at its finest.

“Bet you didn’t think it was bad this morning,” she sniggers.

I playfully swat at her. “Stop. Please. I’m mortified.” The waitress appears at the perfect time with our coffee, distracting Zoey from asking more questions for at least three seconds.

Zoey blows on her coffee as her brows meet. “Wait, you said you blurted something rude out. What was it?”

I’d hoped she wouldn’t ask. I close one eye with a cringe because, if I look at her whilst I admit what I said, I might spontaneously combust from embarrassment. “Something about me being surprised he is on his knees for me.”

Zoey’s cackle attracts even more unwanted attention. “I’m sorry, but that is genius. Girl, you’re a dark horse.” Zoey is practically shouting whilst still laughing and I sit across from her, wishing the ground would swallow me up. “But I don’t see what the problem is,” she adds.

“The problem is that Grayson is Liam’s best friend. He is not someone Ishouldbe interested in. He told me himself he doesn’t do relationships, and great, good for him, but I want one. Plus, if we did get together, and it doesn’t work out, it will make everything awkward because he’ll still work for Liam and be his best friend. Oh and, if Jess and Liam find out, they’ll be planning our wedding before we can even figure outwhatwe are. God, we aren’t anything. I don’t even know why I’m entertaining this.” I fan my face, suddenly feeling incredibly flustered.

“Nora, sweetie. I think you deserve to put yourself first right now and not think about how it might affect other people. Have some fun with him, fuck around, and damn the consequences. Isn’t that the point of the list?” She bites into her salad. I can’t do the same because I’ve lost my appetite. How can I fuck around with him? I don’t know how to fuck around for one and two. It’s Grayson. He won’t be the one crying when it ends. It’ll be me.

Zoey’s attitude to everything in life is ‘do now, ask questions later’ and whilst that might work for her, I’ve never been able to do that even though I’ve been trying. But can I also be around Grayson and not want to touch him again? And not get jealous when he has other girls in his bed? Do I even like him like that? I’m not sure. I’ve seen there is more to him, he cares more than he lets on, but also I’m confused between lust and like. I like his tongue and his ability to make me come, but is that it? Despite not seeing him for two weeks before this morning, I had been thinking about him. A lot.

“You’re thinking really loudly. Talk,” Zoey demands as she sips her coffee. I’ve known Zoey since we were in school, so this really shouldn’t be so difficult to talk about. The thing is, I rarely talk about sex and boys to my friends because I’m so inexperienced. Jess gets the brunt of most of it, and that’s because we’ve lived together forever.

“I don’t even know what this is or could be,” I admit. “It’s weird for me to be even thinking about any of this with him. Before that one night, I could categorically say we didn’t like each other; we’ve spent the last, what, eight months actively taunting each other and being in a state of dislike and banter. I don’t understand how any of it happened.”

“Babe, there is such a fine line between love and hate, and there’s an even finer line between lust and hate. Turns out that line was your G-string this morning.” Her tongue pokes out to tease me and I try to not push her face into her salad in retaliation.

“Maybe I should go over tonight to talk to him.”

“He asked you over to his house tonight?” Her eyebrows raise.

I shake my head. “No, but maybe it’s a good idea to talk.”

“So, the whole relationship thing, is he dead set on it? Because I’m willing to bet he would overlook that for you. And then he can fuck you as often as he wants. It’s a win-win and the guy clearly wants you.” A scoff sounds out from the couple behind me, and I cringe.

“Stop. Please. I’m dying right now.”

“Grayson and Nora sitting in a tree F-U-C-K-I-N-G,” she sings songs, and I am seconds away from darting out of the café door, away from my incredibly annoying friend.

“That’s the x-rated version and you know it.”

She shrugs and smiles, then checks her phone. “Shoot, I’ve got to run. Text me later. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll assume you’re getting railed–See you tomorrow night for the parties too, babe.”The hen party–which I’ll see him. Wonderful.

Chapter 17

Nora

Themusicpumpsthroughthe packed nightclub. We’ve come to The Point near London’s Southbank to meet the boys for the hen/stag party. The whole left side of the club is windows that overlook London city life and the river, near the black sparkling dancefloor. It’s probably the most boujee place we’ve been to in London. And right now, we are being led to the ‘private’ section of the club.

We’ve spent the day lazing in the spa at the hotel Jess works at, enjoying massages and naps. We started drinking around lunchtime and haven’t stopped since.

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