Page 12 of All Of My Firsts

“Tick stuff off your list.”

My arms cross over my chest. “I thought you were joking,” I lie, because I have thought about his offer to tick off number one on the list—have mind blowing sex—in the last fifteen hours since I saw him, but I still don’t trust him, or myself for that matter. “Why?” I ask. “What is this really? Do you need sex? Is this a booty call? Aren’t they usually at night?” I ask, not taking a single breath.

He shrugs. “Because I want to help you.”

“Because you want to help me,” I repeat, not fully believing his motives.

He nods with a great big cocky smirk that tells me he’s messing with me. “And I’m not going to say no to sex if it’s on the table, but that’s not my motive here.” That smirk of his will be the death of me, I swear.

“Sex isnoton the table.” I try to be snarky, but it just comes out breathless. Meanwhile my vagina is shoutingLiar, liar, pants on firein my shorts. I step towards him, wiggling my index finger accusatorily. “You know, you’d be more convincing if you didn’t smirk like that. The jokes on me. I almost believed you were genuine for a second.” I walk past him to start breakfast, ignoring the fact he smells far too good this morning.

Motto for today – Ignorance is bliss.

“I am being genuine.” He stands directly behind me, so close I can feel the heat from his body scorching into mine.

“Right, of course.” I reach up to get two bowls out of the cupboard. “I have a hard time believing you at the best of times but when it’s me, or us, it’s always just jokes and banter,”and sex and foreplay, so much sex…“So, what am I supposed to think?”

He exhales loudly, his breath tickling my bare neck as I place the bowls on the counter and roll my shoulders back with a shiver.

Ignore it. Ignore it.

“Fine, don’t believe me, but I’m helping you. C’mon, aren’t you even a little curious?” he says darkly, and it makes my skin pebble at his question because yes, I am curious. Very.

“Not really,” I say, stepping away from him while I make breakfast and hope he can’t hear the lies in my words.

“Thank you.” He takes a bite of the yoghurt and granola and groans. “Oh, this is good. Did you make it?”

I nod, crunching into my own bowl, loving the sweetness of the honey and oats on my tongue.

He chews his food, then swallows, never taking his eyes off me. “You don’t have to believe me, or even like me that much, but I’m helping you. My mind is made up.”

I choke at his insistent tone. “Oh right, so I have no say in this anymore, despite it beingmylist?”

He snorts, and it takes all my willpower not to drown his stupid handsome, smirking face in yoghurt. “It wasyourlist before I saw it. It’sourlist now.” I keep my scowl firmly in place as he exhales, his voice taking on a softer edge. “Look, don’t overthink it. I know how to have fun, and you wanted more adventures, right? Well…” he taps his chest hard like a gorilla beating his chest. “I’m your man.”

I bark a laugh. “You are notmyman,” I say loudly, trying to convince myself and him that this is the exact definition of a bad idea. But with him being here, bringing me coffee, and looking… like that, it’s scrambling my usually smart brain.

I watch him as we sit in silence, both eating our breakfast. It’s peculiar because even though I’ll never admit it to him, I feel a connection, a pull that I can’t name or pinpoint. I’m also not sure I’m ready to give into it yet either.

But hedoesknow how to let loose. He might be a playboy, but he’s also spontaneous and adventurous. Hecouldhelp me.Oh, my God, why am I even considering this?

“Fine, I’ll let you help me.” My mouth opens with the words before I can fully talk myself out of it. My determination is pathetic around him.

When Grayson fist pumps the air I know I’ve made a mistake. “Oh God, what have I just done?” I mutter as my head drops into my hands.

“It’s okay, shorty. I’ve got you. We’re going to need to work on that list and make it more fun. Where is it?”

I shake my head, regret pouring into my poor decisions. “I’ve changed my mind.”

“Nope, not happening. I’m in it to win it now. Where’s the list?” He bounces around like a puppy – I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. It’s adorable to see him this excited, which of course makes my tummy flutter, but now is not the time to assess that. I shake my head as he searches through some papers stacked next to him on the counter, throwing his hands up when he can’t find what he’s looking for. “You know what? Fuck it, we’ll write a new one.”

I slam my hand onto the paper he’s about to start writing on. “Wait, I’ll get it.” Reaching into my handbag on the kitchen counter, I pull out my planner and the elusive list. I stretch my hand out to give it to him, then snap it back quickly. “I’m doing this for me, not you.”

His broad smile shows off his perfectly straight teeth and full lips in a way that makes my body react in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’m excited too. His enthusiasm and goofy smile actually have me feeling lighter than I have in months.

“Got it.” He leans in quickly and plants a chaste kiss to my cheek and my whole world explodes, except I’m frozen in a moment that felt sonormal,which is strange because we’ve never done normal together. I run my fingers over the same spot his lips were seconds ago, and my entire being shivers. He’s blissfully unaware of my swooning, and thank God, because I’d probably never hear the end of it.

He opens the list, and taps his chin with his finger, but keeps his face neutral, which is arguably more unnerving and endearing at the same time. “These are great, but mind if I add a few?”

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