Page 59 of Secret Desire

Tomorrow, we both needed to return to the office. I would stop by my apartment in the morning before work. I needed clothes. And my own deodorant. Not that men’s deodorant couldn’t perform the task, but yuck!

Standing in the middle of Steven’s closet, surrounded by his designer suits and workout clothes, I decided to give myself a tour. I was curious about what I might find in his closet. The first thing I noticed was his footwear. Shoes in every shade of black, brown, and gray lined the closet walls.

Then I took a peek inside his drawers. One drawer displayed his boxer briefs, neatly folded and organized by color. Luxury brand watches sat in neat rows in three of his other drawers, each drawer housing at least twelve watches. A bit of overkill, if you ask me. How could one man need so many watches?

It reminded me of the time when I was ten years old and my father had taken me shopping. He bought himself three new Rolexes, two Mont Blanc pens, and a pair of diamond cufflinks.

My little legs had struggled to keep up with him as he marched from store to store. Passing the toy store, I saw the new Barbie in the window and squealed with joy. I begged my father to buy me one, but he yanked my arm and said he wouldn’t waste money on frivolous things. My younger self had cried all the way home while my father admired one of his new gold watches.

I stared at Steven’s watches.

Why so many?

My chest tightened, and the rational Laura in my head crossed her arms and tapped her foot, waiting to say,I told you so.Men are all the same.

No! I pushed those thoughts from my mind. Steven was nothing likethatman. Steven was honest, direct, and had a sense of responsibility, whereas my father was a narcissist who destroyed the lives of the people he pretended to care about.

Steven could be pretending.

NO! Stop. Go away, you pesky self-sabotaging inner voice. Steven cared about me. I could feel it. He wouldn’t throw me away like garbage once he was done with me.

I busied myself by going through his wardrobe to find some clothes that might fit me. But the doubts kept crashing back in. I thought I’d resolved this a couple of days ago on Christmas, butnooo. My stupid insecurities reared their ugly head again.

What was I doing here? Breaking my own rules. There was a reason I excluded men from my life plan.

But I found myself wanting to be close to him. To learn everything about him. I already knew so much about my boss, the CFO. And now I was discovering the man away from the office. His true nature. And I wanted to know more. Be with him. Not because I was lonely. Not because I needed to be with someone.

But because I wanted to.

Because it was Steven.

I threw on a pair of sweatpants. They were snug around my waist and hips, and far too long, but I rolled up the hems.

Was I desperate for sex?

No. I may have sworn off relationships, but I still had one-night stands to keep my libido from blowing up like a pressure cooker. It was all strategic and done with clinical detachment.

It had only been six months since my last romp with a stranger I had never seen again. That was enough for me. I didn’t have much of a sex drive.

Until now.

Steven awoke a desire within me that had lain dormant for so long. It was no longer about scratching an itch every few months. This yearning to express my erotic feelings for him, with him, was beyond anything I had ever experienced. Greater than anything I could have imagined. It wasn’t only about sex. It was about having a connection. Two beings needing to be close. And me needing to express how I felt about him.

Was this love?

Yes. I loved him. I would never risk my career for a man unless it was love. That was the only logical explanation.

“Laura! I’m waiting…” Steven’s voice, full of the promise of carnal pleasures, shook me from my thoughts and made my clit twitch.

“Coming, Loverboy.”

Work consumed most of our time as soon as we got back to the office on Monday, and late work nights didn’t allow any time or energy for us to meet up afterward.

I returned to my place every night and crashed for a few hours before starting again the next day. Apart from a few discreet glances and an occasional pinching of my butt, we didn’t get any sexy time. Or alone time in two whole days. I was going through withdrawal.

So, last night I planned something, and I tried it out at home in front of a mirror.

The next day, I sat at my desk fidgeting. I was getting really nervous, and my insecurity was taking over, telling me I was being ridiculous and that Steven would laugh at me.

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