Page 24 of Secret Desire

“Excuse you, bro, who’s the one insulting a friend’s skills now?” John said in a mocking tone. “Besides, Stephen always knocks me on my ass because he’s built like a Mack truck. I, on the other hand,” John said as he puffed out his chest, “I’m more streamlined, like an elite athlete, strong and fast. I move with precision and power, but gracefully.” John stood and prowled through the sauna, shaking his naked ass to prove his point. “You see, I’m like a panther. But I’m about to melt, guys. I’m hitting the showers again. Meet you losers in the lounge when you’re done.”

As John opened the door to leave, a rush of cool air flooded the sauna. I breathed in deeply, welcoming the cooler air into my lungs, which gave me a reprieve from the scorching heat.

“I’ve had enough sauna for today too,” Hawk said, getting up and walking to the door. With his back to me and his hand on the handle, he said, “Everything ok with you, man?”

I stared at the back of his head, surprised he would even ask. He was usually as averse to talking about mushy annoying feelings as I was. “I’m fine. I’ll be back in my usual prime fighting form by tomorrow.”

Hawk nodded and started to open the door, but then stopped and closed it again. He turned to face me. “Look, you know I wasn’t asking about your fighting form. And I know you don’t want to talk about whatever shit you’re going through right now, but just know I got your back, buddy. Anything you need. Anytime.”

I averted my eyes. What the fuck was he doing? I wasn’t the only one acting strange today. We never did this…this…whatever this was. Opening up? Expressing feelings? “You’re weirding me out. What’s up with you?”

He sighed and shook his head. “I’m not even sure myself. I met this gorgeous, smart, amazing woman recently, and she’s turned my world upside down. And now I’m…feeling…things I’ve never felt before. It’s making me question everything.” He raised his hands in frustration. “Oh great, now I’m sounding like one of those emotionally intelligent, weak-ass men that talk about their emotions and consequences ’n shit.” He turned and opened the door. “Whatever. Just don’t keep everything bottled up. It’s not good for you.”

He left me alone in the sauna. Luckily my body and mind were still exhausted or else his words would have probably had me overthinking stuff about Laura.

After another shower, the guys and I wolfed down burgers in the club’s lounge in silence, except for John’s loud moans of delight after each bite.

When I got home, I crashed onto my bed and passed out as soon as I was horizontal, but the exhaustion didn’t keep my curvy intern out of my dreams.

On weekends, I rarely knew what to do with myself. I wasn’t used to having days off. Ever since I was fifteen, I hadn’t had time for myself. As soon as I didn’t have something to do, that mugger’s footsteps chased me in my mind. Whenever I closed my eyes, that creep barreling toward me haunted my thoughts.

I decided free time was overrated. And dangerous. So, the entire weekend, I kept busy. I cleaned my minuscule apartment—that took all of ten minutes. Then I explored Central Park, but it wasn’t the same as the forest back home. That was the only thing I missed about my past life. Any scrap of time I had to myself, I had spent out of town exploring the woods. It used to be my haven, and I hoped Central Park would be that for me here, but I didn’t feel as safe, even though it was the middle of the day.

I was pissed at the mugger for making me feel this lingering fear, even in broad daylight. But I was more pissed at myself for letting the fear control me.

I would not let it. I would overcome this. So, I forced myself to roam the streets. Yes, I jumped each time someone bumped into me, but I trudged on for hours. I always was the jump-back-on-the-horse type of person. Finally, the fear gave way to nerves, and the nerves eventually melted away. At that point, I was able to enjoy the window displays of the shops I walked past.

Seeing all the holiday displays lifted my spirits, so I stopped at Dollar General for some Christmas knickknacks. How much should I spend? I checked my budget planner app and added $20 to the miscellaneous column for the month. That would be plenty since I wouldn’t bother decorating my place because I barely spent any waking hours there. An hour later, I walked out of the store with two huge bags of decorations, all reserved for my very first office.

Monday morning, I got into work even earlier than usual. Climbing onto my desk with a streamer in one hand and tape in the other, I hummed along to “Santa Baby” which was playing on the speakers in the hall. I rose onto my tiptoes and reached for the corner, wobbled, nearly fell, and let out a loud yelp. But I found my balance and tried again.

Back up onto my toes, I stretched up and reached…

Suddenly, the adjoining door crashed open, and my boss barreled into my office. Stunned by the noise, I lost my balance, dropped everything, and started to fall. “ARGHH!”

I landed in powerful arms, and my scream turned into an oomph. Pressed snugly against his wide chest, my heart went bonkers, and it wasn’t because of the adrenaline rush from the fall.

My nose, inches away from his neck, sniffed like a dog homing in on a yummy treat. His woodsy smell was absolutely divine, a combination of rain, fresh air, and wildflowers. I closed my eyes and was transported back to my happy place in the forest back home. My safe place.

“What the hell were you doing?” His holler wrenched me out of my daydream.

My eyes shot open, and I glared at him. “Don’t yell at me. I did nothing wrong.”

I pushed at his massive chest and wiggled, trying to scramble out of his hold. But his strong arms caged me against him.

He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. When he spoke again, his tone was softer, gentler. “Are you hurt?”

I matched his tone and tried not to think about the muscular arms encasing my body. “No. Please put me down.”

“Oh.” He lowered me slowly, with surprising control, given my weight.

Holy shit, that was sexy. He was as strong as the Hulk.

Once on my feet, I rushed behind my desk to put a barrier between us. “I’m sorry if I disturbed your work, Mr. Cox. It won’t happen again.”

He stared at me with eyes so intense, a deep forest with no end to their depths. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who should a-a-a…I’m the one who’s s-s-sor…” His jaw clenched, and the words wouldn’t come out.

Were the words so foreign to him? Most people in this industry masterfully spew out any bullshit in order to manipulate you. Fake apologies. Insincere compliments. Anything and everything to get what they wanted.

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