Page 47 of Holiday Do Us Part

“Finish that sentence, and I will end your life.” Because there is no way that I’m. . . I’m. . .

“Tory!” I cry out.

“On my way, girl.”

My breakdown is a blur until Tory knocks on my door. I open the door, fall into her arms, and wince because my boobs are really damn sore. “This can’t be happening to me,” I sob.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“Tory, what if I’m. . .” I can’t even say it out loud. It’s been almost three weeks since I spoke to Easton. I said I needed time, but I’m not even sure that would fix us. I haven’t tried to reach out, nor has he. Which just tells me I did the right thing by walking away. After everything, we’re just. . . done.

“Calm down. We can only find out and go from there.” She reaches into her purse and pulls out a pregnancy test. “Let’s go, Baker. Time to pee on a stick.”

How did I get here? I mean, I knowhowI did, but why me? “What happens if I am?” I ask, fearing the answer.

“Then we figure it out together. We won’t know unless you soak the stick. Hey, it’s okay. I’m here for you. Ash is here—”

“Please don’t tell her about this. I don’t want her judging me—”

“Oh, shut it. Ashley would never judge you. And shame on you for thinking that. You have two of the most amazing best friends. Whichever way this turns out, we’ve got your back. Got it?”

“You two are still on probation.” I wipe at the tears soaking my cheeks. “But, yeah. I do have some pretty amazing friends.”

“Duh, now pee.” I smile and grab the box. I nervously take out the test, pull off the cap, and do as instructed. Setting it on the sink, I flush and close the toilet seat.

“So, what now?”

“We discuss the weather. Or Easton. Have you spoken to him at all?”

“No. Nothing.”

Tory nods, assessing my answer. “Do you plan to? I mean, if the test is positive. Are you going to tell him?”

So many answers float inside my head. Yes. No. Maybe so. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t even know how to feel about it, ya know? Once upon a time, I dreamt of having kids with Easton. They’d have my smile and his eyes. We were gonna have two girls and two boys and name them after our favorite things, like Rage and Merlot. But now. . . I don’t know how to feel.” I gently cup my belly. A little mini Easton could be growing inside me.

“And if you’re not?”

I shrug, pulling my hands away. “Then I’ll be relieved. I never want to bring a child into a world already set for failure. Two homes, separate lives. Parents who can’t get along for a sliver of a second.”

A life I never wanted. Because I just wanted him.

“Hey, stop crying.”

“I can’t. It just comes. And no matter how much I fight it, I have no control over it. My emotions are like an out-of-control rollercoaster. One minute, I’ve accepted we’re done, and the next, the pain in my chest is so bad I can’t breathe. I just wish he never came back into my life. At least then, it was tolerable. The ache. It was dull, and I could pretend I wasn’t hurting. That I was okay. But now, I can’t even do that. Because I just want him. And I know I can’t.”

Tory reaches for me, and I fall apart. “It's going to be okay, Cal. You just have to have faith it will.”

“I think I’m over having faith.” I cry in her arms until more than two minutes have passed. I’m afraid to look, so I stay close until she figures out my game plan.

“You can’t hide in my armpit forever. Time to face the music.”

“Why not? Also, are you using a new deodorant? It smells very florally.”

“Baker. It’s time.”

I don’t want it to be, but I know I have to face the music. I pull away. “Ready?”

“No.”

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