Page 83 of Fighting the Darkness

“I told you I can’t do this today. You should’ve listened to me.”

Without a backward glance, I head for the women’s locker room. I strip out of my workout clothes, grab a towel and my shower bag before heading into a stall. Turning the water on its hottest setting, I finally let my tears fall. I let them fall as I shampoo my hair and while I lather the soap across my aching body.

I woke up this morning to a phone call from the police. Gina Fuller, the fighter I lost to, is dead. They found her strangled in her apartment—dead for days before anyone noticed she was missing. And it’s all my fault.

I wish I could say that the bloody roses and bloody message were the last time I heard from them, but that’s not the case. The notes have escalated, and I’m now receiving them daily. Every morning when we step out of Griffin’s house, I’m tense as I worry about what that day’s note will say. The note they left yesterday is how I knew Gina would be found dead—I passed it along to the police, as I have every other note we’ve found.

She’s taken care of. Now, if only they’d find her.

Part of me hoped they were bluffing—that she wasn’t dead, but luck just isn’t on my side. Just when my life starts looking up again, we find out I have a stalker. I don’t know what I did in my past life to deserve this, but I sure do hope karma thinks I’ve paid enough. At this point, I don’t know how much more I can take.

I can feel myself slipping further and further each day, my mind unable to bear that onslaught of hell bearing down on me. It’s all made worse by the fact that we haven’t seen or heard from Wilder in two weeks. He promised me he wouldn’t do this again—that he wouldn’t run, disappearing from my life.

I should have known not to trust his words when his eyes screamed with indecision at every turn.

I was an idiot to think that he would choose me over some old promise he made to my brother. How am I supposed to convince him he’s not betraying my brother when he won’t even speak with me? Maybe it’s time to just let him go.

Sobs wrack my body as I sink to the floor, completely spent.

I can’t do this.

The curtain slides back, and I know I should be worried about the fact that someone is here with me, but I can’t find it in myself to care.

“Oh, sunshine, I’m so sorry. We should’ve listened to you.”

The water turns off moments before I’m being lifted by a strong set of arms. I bury my head in their neck and suck in Soren’s scent. I know I’m soaking his clothes, but it’s obvious he doesn’t care, so why should I?

My body is completely dead weight, I’m sure. I can’t seem to move any part of it. I can’t even open my eyes.

I know Soren is talking based on the rumble of his chest, but I can’t seem to focus on his words. I hear another voice, but I’m unable to place it—let alone hear the words.

I’m sinking deeper and deeper into my despair, and I don’t know how to pull myself out. Is this it? Is this the one time I won’t be able to pull myself out of my head?

Whimpers fall from lips, and Soren pulls me closer to his body.

This isn’t what I want. I want to be present and aware. I want to experience life. I want to live.

Instead, I find myself lost in my mind until unconsciousness calls to me, and I welcome the oblivion of sleeping.

I wake slowly, my body heavy and my head pounding. I’m hot and unable to move.

Panic sparks in my chest as my eyes flutter open, scanning the room as I try to figure out where I am and how I got here.

My heart slows as the room comes into focus. I’m in Griffin’s room—the one that Soren and I sleep in with him every night since moving in, even though we have rooms of our own.

The weight on my body that’s making me unable to move is my men holding me close, keeping me safe.

It’s dark in the room, but I have no idea what time it is or what day it is.

Lifting a hand to my head, I try to recall what the last thing I remember is. It hits me like a ton of bricks.

Finding out Gina is dead. The guys cajoling me into training. Getting my ass kicked. Thinking I could wash away my pain and fears with the hot water of a shower. Collapsing into sobs. Soren holding me close. And then nothing.

A pain in my back has me yelping, and I realize it’s my bladder telling me it’s been way too long since I last peed.

“Little one?” Griffin’s voice is heavy with sleep as he sits up so he can look down at me.

“Bathroom,” I whimper.

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