Page 60 of Fighting the Darkness

I gasp, nails digging into my palm as I try to ground myself, but with what? What do I have to keep me going?Whodo I have?

Put the world out of its misery.

So useless.

Shaking my head, I try to claw my way out of the hole I’m digging myself into, but I’m too far gone. I can’t do this.

You don’t belong here.

You belong nowhere.

Throwing my head back, I scream. I try to rid myself of these thoughts by setting them forth into the universe with my raging scream. I don’t know if it will help, but anything has to be better than what I’m feeling right now.

I freeze, blinking against the sunlight.

I’m no longer in my SUV. I’m outside.

Where am I? How did I get here?

Looking around me, I realize I’m at a bridge—one I don’t recognize. I stumble, trying to right myself.

It’s only then I realize I’m on the wrong side of the bridge. I reach for the railing, a scream falling from my lips as my feet seek out traction to keep me here.

Far below me is the swirling darkness of deep waters.

I stop struggling, entranced by the water beneath me. It’s like my mind is put into reality—an angry, whirling, dark mass of chaos.

Wouldn’t this be the perfect way to end it all? The irony of it all.

The whisper runs through me, tears filling my eyes.

Would it? Do I want to end it? Would everyone be better off without me?

I can’t keep living like this.

I’m not strong enough for this.

It would be so easy to just let go.

There would be no more pain.

No more voices.

Peace.

Freyr.

My hold begins to slip, my fingers losing their grasp on the railing, and it’s then that I realize that I’m not ready for it to end.

No matter what the voices tell me, Iwillbe missed.

I want to live.

I sob as I realize I’ve waited too long as one hand slides off.

I’m so tired. My body is sore from my workout, my arms shaking from the effort of holding myself up.

I need to fight, and fight, I do. I do everything I can to try to grasp the railing with the hand that’s fallen free, but I can’t get my feet under me, and now my other hand is sliding.

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