Page 38 of Fighting the Darkness

Here we go again.

He holds up his hands in surrender when my mouth snaps open to give him another piece of my mind.

“But you were right,” he rushes out, giving me pause. “This isn’t a decision I can make for you. If you want to learn how to fight—if it makes you feel closer to Freyr—then I want to help you do that. I know you agreed to allow me to help train you. Thank you for that. But we’re going to need to build up some trust between us if that’s going to work. So, please, don’t shut me out.”

“Me? Shut you out?” I scoff. “If I do, you have no one but yourself to blame, considering that you were the one to shut me out six years ago.”

His head drops, regret in his every movement. “I know. You’re absolutely right. I’ve mistreated you over and over again these last few years. Saying I’m sorry won’t make all of that go away, but I’d like to try to make it up to you. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“It’s a little late for that,” I snap.

His face falls again. “Is it?”

“Yes. No. Maybe?” I huff out a sigh of annoyance. “I don’t fucking know, Wilder. Why now? Why are you suddenly so concerned about making things right with me now?”

That’s the part I really don’t understand. Why now? I want to believe his words, but I just don’t understand what’s changed.

I don’t want to tell him no because he’s someone who reminds me of my brother. Plus, he used to be my friend. I really just need to get away from all of this mess and clear my head, but it’s clear that’s not going to happen anytime soon.

“Freya, we both know I’m an asshole. I pushed you away because I thought it was the right thing to do at sixteen. I’ve regretted it every day since then.” Wilder shakes his head. “But I’d already made the decision, so I stuck to it. It’s why I wasn’t there for you after Freyr’s death, which makes me an even bigger ass. I know I can’t make it all up to you at once, and maybe you’ll never be able to forgive me. But would you be willing to at least give me a chance?”

I really need to talk this over with Vicki, but I can’t do that until he stops blocking my path to my SUV. Would it make me a bitch if I said yes now and then changed my mind later? Probably, but it would serve him right, wouldn’t it?

No, I’m not that vindictive. Instead of giving him an immediate yes, I think about it. I want to give him a chance. I want him to mean his words. But he has the power to destroy me. He’s already done it once, and I don’t know if I can survive it again—especially without Freyr at my side.

“I don’t know, Wilder. That’s all I can tell you right now. I’m at odds over whether I should give you another chance.” I shrug. “If you want another chance, then you’re going to have to wait for my answer. I don’t know when I’ll have it, but I won’t say yes or no right now.”

A smile lights up his face, and I want to melt at the beauty of it. “You don’t have to. I’ll wait for your answer. You not immediately telling me no gives me hope.”

“Not too much hope,” I warn him, ducking around him so I can finally get to my SUV.

“Wait,” he calls after me, and I sigh before turning back to face him. “That’s not the only reason I was waiting for you. To prove that I mean what I say, I was wondering if you’d come to fight night at The Guillotine with me on Friday? Soren and I are fighting again.”

My eyebrows shoot up at my shock. “Really? I thought you said I didn’t belong there?”

He shrugs. “It’s not always the safest place to be. I was worried about you and went about it all wrong. Come with me, and I’ll show you how I should’ve acted. Freyr always wanted you to be involved in this part of his life. Instead of trying to push you out, let me be your guide. Let me show you why he loved it so much. I’m going to stop trying to hold you back. It’s clear this is where you want to be, and maybe you were always meant to be a part of it. I don’t know.”

“Okay,” I say quietly. “I’ll go with you to the fight night.”

He grins down at me before stepping back. “Thank you, Freya. You won’t regret it. I’ll let you go now. I’m sorry I held you up.”

Then he’s gone, and I can finally climb into my SUV. I start it with a sigh before checking my phone. Thank goodness the girls have agreed to meet up with me. I thought things couldn’t get any more confusing, and yet, here we are.

Thank goodness for my new friends.

“Seriously?” Vicki’s jaw drops, causing me to laugh. “He said that?”

I nod, turning my attention to Quinn, who doesn’t look nearly as shocked as Vicki. “My life has apparently become a soap opera.”

“I’d say it’s better than a soap opera since it’s unfolding right before our eyes,” Quinn quips, shooting me a smile. “It’s obvious that Wilder’s in love with you and has been since you were both sixteen.”

“Pfft. Yeah, right. If that was the case, then why was he being such a prick to me?” I roll my eyes. “He might have been my first crush, but I’ve long moved past that.”

But even as I say the words, I know they’re lies. I’ve never gotten over Wilder, just pushed those feelings down until I could forget they exist.

Quinn smirks, lifting her cup to her lips. “And the Nile is just a river in Egypt.”

Vicki snorts. “Buuuuurn.”

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